I been promising...

First let me say, my intentions are so good guys. Yet I have been absolutely swamped by life.
I finished finals about 2 weeks ago and immediately began a full time internship...and you already know I'm full time mommy and then there's ministry and maintaining a healthy relationship with my sweetheart...lol.
So finding time to write, ugh, not so much.

Real Pirates??!!?
So let me just say, this is old...but why did I think that Pirates were make believe???
No we didn't see whole ships get jacked by these little makeshift boats of skinny black pirates. lmbo. These guys are gansta...and although I can't condone "pirating activities" (rotfl)
My mind was straight blown!

She's on Parole and won't leave me alone!! *Help*
She has been stalking me. I met her at an event for homeless women, in which I was the keynote. One of the ladies who knew her well introduced us and thought I would be a good, I guess mentor or something. I have made myself available to the young white woman. She is a former drug abuser and was recently released from prison, but that doesn't matter to me.
I liked her, I wanted to encourage her to stay on the straight and narrow because I believe that she can do it. She was instructed by her parole officer not to move in with her abusive boyfriend, but she didn't listen.
They got into a fight and when the police were called, it was a violation of her parole.
She called me crying saying that they were gonna send her back to prison unless she had $250 to pay her attorney. I tried to encourage her to go to legal aid, but she insisted on a particular attorney. So I offered her the money. No, I gave her the money and although she said she'd pay me back, I am not looking for it.
However, not two days later she was calling me asking me for $400 more. Then I felt like I'd been punched in the stomach. She got me.
It's all good though. The real issue is that I think she thinks I'm her woman now.
She blows up my phone, "where you at?", "what you doing?" "what time you get home?" When you gonna call me?" "Call me NOW." I'm thinking....is this real???
She then proceeds to tell me that her boyfriend approves of me, but no other girls cause she "used to be" bi-sexual. I'm like blown by all this...did I mention that she has been calling me telling me she needs a place to live? I told her, I can't help you...call Welfare. She says they won't help. I have resorted to ignoring her, and it's finally beginning to work...
But I feel bad, because I don't want to be the one person that she thinks cares and then just dumps her...at the same time, I have too much on my plate to carry her stuff too.
What do you think??

Reality TV (Jon and Kate and the Duggar Family)
Ok, I am so sad about Jon and Kate. I feel like it's me. That is dumb, I know, but I've been through the dissolution of a marriage, while having a household of kids and that on its own sux...I just can't imagine having cameras in my face. For that, I blame Kate. She is loving the spotlight and fame too much, probably the money too. Jon is so over it, but she doesn't seem to care and rather than sacrifice the fame, she seems to be sacrificing her marriage and family life. It's not worth it, at least it wouldn't be for me.

The Duggar family is just freaking amazing. They are solid Christians with 18 children. They are independently wealthy and yet they are frugal. I guess I should say, they are frugal and so they are independtly wealthy. They amaze me because they seem so happy and loving and wholesome. Not that I want my household to be all little house on the praire like them, but I certainly feel like there are some good worthwhile lessons I can learn from them. Have you seen the show?? They are corny...but in like a really good way.

Oprah and that nasty ol' school...
Dear Oprah,
You have a good heart ( I guess) and you showed good intentions by instituting that school for girls in Africa. But, there are some nasty, perverted and ungrateful people there...always tryna do it to each other and well Ms. Oprah...you need to get out for they have you in court trying to hold you liable for rape and endangering the welfare of minors and all kinds of other things they you are innocent of, just cause your name is on there.
My advice: Cut and Run!!! lol. (for real tho)

Ok, I gotta run. I luv u blog world, I know u have grown tired of me with my long pauses...
I will get better, one day. (I hope)

Luv-Luv

To Be Discussed (upcoming blog posts)

She's On Parole and Won't Stop Calling Me...
what should I do?

Diamonds on the Headlines...(finally again)
Why I am blown by the African Pirates...
Why I am amazed by the Duggar Family
What I'd Do if I were Oprah...lol (besides shop!)

Incarcerated Love: It's not all sign language and letters...lol
Or is it??

finals...arrrgh!

it is crunch time right now. here i am again two weeks away from finals and it is crazy. unlike undergrad, my entire grade for my course is based off of 1 five hour exam. so i'm trying not to straight freak out. i have a tendency to get sleepy when i get stressed, but sleep is my enemy right now... or so i feel, cause when i'm sleep, i'm not studying. anyway, i'm attempting to just breathe through this, pray, study...and leave it in God's hands. shooting for A's.... :) pray 4 me ya'll (oh i have some mess to tell u about, but next blog....until then goodnight!)

So blessed...(The God in Me)

i luv this blog cause i just have to read a few posts to see where God has brought me from, and what He's brought me through. it reminds me that no matter what i've come up against...i always win. Not because of any good of my own, any strength or might that i have...but it's the God in me!

so all that to say, my last post i was feeling a bit frustrated and today i feel so blessed. i still have deadlines to make (major paper due tomorrow), finals approaching (ugh), bills (double ugh), my personal short-comings, and all the rest of life's worries...but i'm happy and joyful. i recently won the black law student association writing competition, and a $500 scholarship from them, and i also just got word that i was chosen as a black women lawyers of nj scholarship recipient (im not sure how much yet). :) i honestly anticipate more to come, cause God is just like that.

i'm looking for a summer legal position, but also trust that it is coming. my steps indeed are ordered! my children are well (on spring break) and i'm just grateful, it's rainy today, and i was so happy to see the rain, because i knew if it was sunny i wouldn't be able to get any work done. lol.

so it all works out, doesn't it. hang in there people...because life is a struggle and survival isn't about what we can do in our own power, but rather what God can do for and through us.

CHECK THIS VIDEO OUT--(the words are so true)

frustration

i have the had the two most frustrating days ever.
my car broke down yesterday two hours away from where i live. i found someone to fix it...but things just didn't go according to my plans. yesterday or today, and my car is still disabled up there, and i'm down here with the keys and the part to fix it.
and i just keep thinking, my blessing has got to be on the way, because murphy's law has been hot on my trail. lol.
in the midst of my frustration, i am learning to breathe and not cry. to pray and not complain. to have faith instead of fret, and to rest and not wrestle. Cause ultimately, God is gonna work it out.
sometimes things and circumstances are just out of our hands. i have always had a problem with worrying and i believe that God is teaching me to trust Him, in every situation. He's got it, even this.

i mean despite everything i've been thru, i have made it THRU...and so many times i felt like i couldn't. so i'm still standing. and yeah i'm frustrated, but it will be ok.or like my momma would always tell say, "this too shall pass."


MyHotComments

About me

Not sure why I worry
or sure why I cry
Not sure of what will happen tomorrow
or when I'm gonna die.

Not sure of so many things
of who will stay or leave
Not sure why things exist
or why they come to be.

I guess all that I'm sure of
is that more than anything else
I wanna have meaning
beyond what aesthetics can tell.

I want my tears to matter
and my efforts to count
I'm not sure the number
but my life has to amount

to something bigger than me
something that lasts long
or should I say for someone
eternal, like a Beetles song

I want the butterflies in my stomach
to get out and fly away
I want the sun to come
I want to treasure my life TODAY

I want to have the words
for things that leave me speechless
I want to reach into every soul
I encounter and leave them blessed

I wish I could teach ethics
integrity and love
racial sensitivity and harmony
unity that springs from above

I want to hold peace and calm
joy and certainty in my bosom
I wanna be pregnant with generosity
like a flower waiting to blossom

I want to be inspiration
that urges positive movement
like music blowing in the breezes
making the trees do the watusi

Sometimes I feel nervous
and I can't explain why
Sometimes I walk in the church
and just start to cry

I feel the need to worship
like I grew out of the earth
like I've been here since creation
and remember being dirt

I never want the people
I love to have a doubt
about how much I love them
and what true love is all about

I wish I could paint my life
if I could it would be pretty
a canvas full of colors and designs
with mirrored reflections of me

My life could be a scrapbook
with cutouts and photographs
beautiful words and artistic phrases
enchanting memories that would last

I get afraid at night
when I'm alone in my bed
I'm supposed to be the grown up
but I still want to be protected

I pray alot
I love using words to write
and I wanna open my mouth
and sing songs that change lives

I want to live, laugh and love
I want him to adore me
I want to walk in my purpose…

I want to live beautifully!

Randomotions...to love him or leave him alone

Humanity never ceases to amaze me. There is this "girl"(from my man's past) who insists on playing mind games and trying to psychologically manipulate people around me to negatively affect my relationship with him. It ain't nothing new, these tactics. Baby mommas and exes all around the world employ them. Yet, I find myself fighting to remain unaffected. On top of this, he has a few other exes who have made their hate for our relationship known, as well as letting him (and the world) know how much they still love him.

He wants me to ignore all that, and hang in there with him. He tells me to be confident and secure in my place. And usually, that is not a problem. Yet, here lately I'm feeling more and more like I am being drained with this negative energy from outsiders who wish they could be in my place. Even understanding that it is foolish nonsense and hate isn't 100% enough to let it roll off my back.

It gets me to wondering if I can deal with this kinda thing for long term. I mean, my daddy taught me that drama is for tv, not for my life. I live by that motto. When things get a little too dramatic, I take a few steps back and reevaluate whether some people, places, or things need to be eliminated from my cypher. So this is where I am.

Although, I wanna stay with him more than ever...just to thwart their efforts. And of course there is the way more logical and somewhat emotional side that says..."Chan you don't have to deal with this mess!" Even though I love him so much, and I do. Even though he loves me, and I'm sure of that. Some things are deal breakers...and I'm just trying to decide if this is mine. ???

Diamonds, On tha Headlines...4get DL, it's me

So here are my thoughts, musings, and opinions about some of the news headlines that are on my mind. I'm gonna try to do these once a week...so please lemme know what u think.


Star High School Running Back Mysteriously Dead
So the story is that, he was pulled over by an officer and when the officer returned to his patrol car to run this young man's info. He heard a gunshot
and when he came up to the car, he saw Billy Joe Johnson dead on the ground by the driver side of the car.
His family and friends are in disbelief...MY TAKE:Um, I don't know why, maybe it's my cynicism toward officers...but something in me is thinking...*cough* buLLsH!t *cough* I mean, it could've happened, I guess. But it just seems so arbitrary that he'd take that moment to kill himself. They said he had a shotgun by his side...a shot gun???
I dunno ya'll, this just don't sit right with me. What do you say??? You can read the story HERE


What if they were black?
So this is the case where the little was missing for over 30days before her mother reported her missing. The mom's story has changed continuously, her car was found abandoned with the stench of a decomposing body in it, but no body. After months she was finally charged with the disappearance of her daughter, for which she has pled "not guilty" maintaining that the babysitter stole er daughter.
MY TAKE: I feel real funny about this situation as well, but what is overwhelmingly obvious is how "well" this young woman has been treated under the circumstances. She has been jailed two or three times, only to be released, the authorities (while suspecting her) have given her plenty of the benefit of the doubt even though her stories have been unbelievable and just not checking out. But if this young twenty something mom was black, whether it received any media coverage or not (most likely not) she would've been locked up, put under the jail, and treated as guilty until proven innocent. I know this, because I've seen it first hand with young black mothers...and not for killing or losing their children, but for allegations of spankings, or just about any other thing that is viewed as a social infraction. The irony of this is down right pitiful.
By the way there are missing minority little girls and boys that never get air time...what about them?


Flood Warning For "My Town"...
The Weather channel reports that, "A FLOOD WARNING MEANS THAT FLOODING IS IMMINENT OR HAS BEEN REPORTED. "
MY TAKE: Oh, great. I'm at work right now so I'ma have to row, row, row my boat home...I sure hope my house hasn't floated away. lol.
Have a Happy Saturday!!!

My Spiritual Journey to Having it All...

“Having it all”, isn’t that what every woman wants? It bodes the question, is it possible to have it all? The answer is a resounding yes. However, it all comes down to how we determine just what “it all” is.

The Virtuous woman outlined in Proverbs 31, gives us a clue in on this idea of having it all. I remember thinking, and hearing other women express that the Virtuous woman standard is an impossibility for everyday women. This woman took exceptional care of her household, her husband, used her hands to bring income into her household, worshipping the Lord all the while. Sure, we wanna be like the Virtuous woman, but can we be?

In this day in age, we women struggle to balance it all. We are working, raising children, trying to stay fit and healthy, going to school, starting businesses, being active in ministry, cultivating our relationships with the Lord, investing in our marriages and friendships, and trying to keep our households together. Sometimes it seems that there is just too much to do and so little time.
I am a divorced mother of four school aged children. There is no question that mothering is in and of itself hard-work, but in addition to that, I am a full time law student, I work nights on a per-diem basis, have a home to maintain, bills to pay, I manage to maintain some sort of social life with my girlfriends, and an occasional date. I am very active in my church, and like to shop. I work out when I can, but not enough. I love to cook, and do just about every day of the week. To be honest, sometimes it all is so overwhelming that it leaves me slumped over the sink with tears splashing into the soapy dish water below me. It’s in moments like these that I hear the reassuring voice within me, the Spirit of God reminding that I can have it all, I can do it all but only through the power of the Holy Spirit.

You know, it has to be the truth because every time someone says to me, “Girl I don’t know how you do it.” I think, “I don’t know how either”. It has to be divine. More times than not, I don’t have enough money to pay all of my bills but I still have a home with electricity and running water. I don’t always feel like cooking dinner, helping with homework, and then doing my own. I don’t always wanna hear kids jumping and running through the house. Yet, I’ve been able to develop remarkable ways to keep stress low, feed my family, and stay current on my schoolwork. When I try to make sense of it all, I can’t except to say that the Lord has provided, He’s made a way out of no way, and the Spirit of God has empowered me beyond what is physically, perhaps even humanly possible.

The truth is, you and I cannot have it all…in our own power, but when we surrender to the power of God we’ll be surprised what we can achieve.

Perspective is significant to having it all. We must consider, how is “having it all” measured? Is it by the assets that we own? The amount of money that we have amassed? Is it the prestige ascribed by others? Or is it by the small things in life? Perhaps it’s that I’ve been homeless and have had the misfortune of living between cars, motels, and other people’s homes, that makes me so grateful. Whatever it is, I am certain that gratefulness is primary in “having it all.” I have it all because every little blessing is huge to me. I bestow love and concern on my precious children, family and friends because I am grateful for them, for their lives and their health and strength. I care for my house, because I see it as a gift. Reading my cases for school is important because the opportunity to pursue my dream in law school is a privilege.
Similarly, by being grateful, by counting my blessings it helps me to put life in perspective. I don’t have to have a whole lot of money in my bank account, I don’t have to have the newest coach bag, or even a salon pedicure to have it all. It doesn’t matter so much if my laundry room doesn’t look exactly like one out of Better Homes and Gardens magazine. When I go to Wal-Mart and leave with a cart full of pillows and candles, sheets, paper-plates, hi-c, socks and laundry detergent, I smile to myself and think, I have it all!

In this New Year ladies, here is our challenge: To seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these other things, the Word promises, will be added into our lives. Just think, doesn’t this promise simplify the conquest of “having it all”? You may be wondering, “How do I seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness?” Well, the answer is to change your perspective by prioritizing, what I call, “quiet time” with God. We must spend time reading the Bible and praying in earnest daily. It is not easy to keep this focus, but it is possible and with it comes the promise that “all these things” we spin our wheels in pursuit of, will be added unto us. It is in studying the Word and conversing with the Lord in prayer that we discover the right way to go and the paths to avoid: the overall direction for our lives.

Resolutions are generally made to be broken, but if we must make resolutions, let’s resolve to seek the kingdom of God with our whole hearts, to read the word, to pray, to tithe, to find a church home and to be active in it, and then to trust that the promises of God are “Yes and Amen”, and you will be amazed how blessed your life is. As you go on about pursuing the abundant life, remember that perfection is not attainable although we aim towards it, and with a little bit of perspective and the power of the Holy Spirit, you won’t have to labor to “have it all,” you just might realize that you’ve had it all along.

A New Day

I was sitting at my kitchen table this weekend, opening mail. A midst a bunch of junk and bills I'd rather discard, was an envelope with an Obama (Yes We Did) bumper sticker. I had ordered it, but still felt excited when it arrived. I took the sticker out and set it on the table to be ready for next time I went out to the car.
My beautiful 2year old nephews were over for the weekend. They are finally getting their precious baby sounds to sound like English. :)
Christopher, the oldest of the twins, came right over to the table and said, "Ahbama!" Stunned, I said, "Huh?" And he replied and pointed to the bumper sticker, "Ahbama, Ahbama." I jumped up and almost ran to my living room, where my brother was, to tell him what the baby said. Little Chris followed right behind me grinning as I recounted the story. I said, "tell daddy" and sure enough it was no mistake..."Ahbama." lol.
What a day, when my little 2yr old gorgeous, intelligent, caramel brown baby nephew, knows the President-Elect by name. It might seem so insignificant to some, but it is HUGE to me. And who knows what the future holds, what that moment meant, because Christopher might even be President one day. It could happen.

I mean....it literally could happen!

EGO

Beyonce's cd is just wow. N e way, this song is heaviest in rotation...makes me think of me and bay-B. Ok, so does like all the songs...but whatever. :)

Free (my love affair with words)

I'm a free bird

flying to and fro

through the wind

against the grain

up and down

wings strewn.

I'm a free bird

'needing to go my own way

always with the flock in sight

soaring above

yet close to home

protective

and I don't wanna be caged

I'm a free bird

you can't capture me

I wanna be close to the sun

near to the clouds

free, free, totally free

I'm a free bird

sometimes I hide

away from the world

within my nest

in the trees

free falling almost

never hitting the ground

I'm free like a bird

'can't even catch up with myself

I'd rather take it all in

the music

the beauty

the air breezing through my wings

I'm free like a bird

So free that the tears

simply disappear

I'm going up

dodging the heartaches

the headaches

lack

and want

my creator provides

I'm a free bird

soon as he thinks he got me

I'm gone, beyond reach

so free

just when she figures

she'll get in sync with me

I'm on my way

hiding in the sky

so fly, so free

free bird, free girl...Free me

CBW
11/08

Happy Thanksgiving

Hey blogland!!!
So, I'm working hard to get back to my regular blog swing...but it's hard. I am finishing my first semester of law school, and basically my time is not my own.But it's Thanksgiving, and as I have in previous years, I'd like to say what I'm thankful for this year.

Seton Hall Law School has been the biggest blessing of this year, and I am so grateful.As a result I have made some amazing friends, in a short amount of time. I find it pretty incredible because I'm at a stage in life that I feel like my friend roster is pretty complete, but I keep getting blessed with new friends and acquaintances and that is pretty hot.

I am so thankful for my wonderful family...my beautiful children. They are a gift to me, they believe in me and look up to me, and I just adore them. Even when I get fed up, I am enamored with them. They give me something to live for, they push me to show them that WE can be and achieve absolutely anything with the Lord on our side.

I am thankful for my precious nephews, and my darling goddaughters, it always amazes me how I can love children that I didn't carry so powerfully...but I do. I am grateful for my daddy and my brother, the two men who have exhibited the way a man should love a woman. For my beautiful and inspirational grandmothers and all of my other extended family and friends(especially Mohamed).

For my home, my car, my health, my church....I am grateful.
I really don't take much for granted, I mean all the way to my furniture...I am so thankful.

I am grateful for the man in my life. Bay-b, as I affectionately refer to him, is everything that I've imagined and hoped for. He is physically beautiful, his smile is amazing. His dimples, his teeth, his eyes, his physique...beautiful. And yet, all the aesthetics are a bonus. Because he is a man who loves God, he challenges me...he literally pushes me to be who I'm supposed to be, and who he sees me as. He is intelligent, and articulate. He reads extensively and writes creatively. He is a little gangsta too. I mean, he has that street credibility that used to be a real liability, but now seems to just round him out as a person. You know? We are physically apart for a season...and it is very difficult at times.But I'm just overwhelmingly grateful that God loves me enough to cross my path with his.

I am grateful for the Lord, and His love, kindness, mercy, and favor. I can't breathe without Him.

And of course, I'm thankful for a place to blog!!! :)

HAPPY THANXGIVING!!

Guess who's back...lmbo. Yeah it's me

Just a short blurb...
Oscar Wilde, an Irish playwright and poet from the 1800s, said, "Life imitates art, far more than art imitates life." That quote popped into my head a few minutes ago when I was in my kitchen making a cup of hot chocolate, but in the reverse. Where does art come from?? Where do romance movies and soap operas come from? Life. I mean, life often stretched to the extreme...but life nevertheless.
Life is a gift, everything about it. From the rainy days, to the walks on the beach and the dinners with the fam. From the baby mama drama, to baby's births and graduations...from the days of sorrow to the days of the greatest joys. It is a gift.
Just like everything else that's worth anything, we have a choice....to live it, love it, appreciate it...or take it for granted.
I choose to love what i've been blessed with, to aim to improve the things that are lacking, and to be grateful for the rest.

My so called life...current thoughts and ramblings

9/22/08
I was sittin on the train and I realized that my abs were hurting. I was evaluating everything I did over the weekend...and well I did a lot of dancing, I've avoided the gym, and any other activity couldn't have resulted in the pain I was feeling. Then after talking to a friend I remembered that I had been dry heaving all Sunday morning...a result of 2 long island ice teas...on an empty stomach Saturday nite.

I feel like I felt the first day after my butts and guts class at the gym....sheesh.

but even tho I had fun on Saturday, I remembered real quick why I don't drink.

So my current situation is good. I mean, it's been quite a while since I've blogged but I been feeling the calling again. So here goes nothing. Again. lol. But let me update you.

I am currently attending SHU Law, which has got to be one of the most significant additions to my life. I have homework every minute...and I still manage to procrastinate a little. Which I hate, but I'm getting better. I've made some wonderful friends over this summer, and I NEVER could've imagined it. I LOVE them!!! They know who they are *waving*....Hi guys!!

I mean, God knew exactly where I needed to be, and who I needed to meet.

God vs. Man

As I grow I learn to desire the esteem of people less and less. And that isn't just the "Christian" thing to say. I mean, without even knowing it, I lived so much of my 20 something years trying to make sure that people approved of me. Well, that they thought well of me, at least. Of course there were some I didn't care about, but there were many that I did. BUT, I'm so tired of trying to please people. I'm making the effort to do what I do for the pleasure of God and Him alone. I find myself in dangerous territory when people's opinions and thoughts weigh too heavily on my mind; and I'm learning to be more quiet, "slow to speak, quick to listen." I've always wanted to share my dreams and hopes with everyone, but time and life and growing in Christ has shown me that many of those things closest to my heart ought to be kept between God and I... and perhaps a VERY, selected few.

I don't talk too much about law school, because it is not about me. At one time, if I woulda got in, whenn I wanted to...I woulda took the credit. I woulda tooted my own horn and said, yeah well, I,I I....but today, all I can say without a shadow of a doubt, is that this opportunity is all about pushing me in the direction that GOD wants me to go in, so that I will be better able to serve in Him, and to advocate for those who don't have a voice...

God has used the selected few in my life to reflect His view of me. People who aren't afraid to tell me when I'm wrong, and love me as I am. They challenge me to be better, and make me want to invest time in becoming the woman God intends for me to become. They really are the only PEOPLE whose opinion carries weight to me. And so, Instead of focusing so much on what people think, I've decided to focus on what God thinks. I already know that people are always gon' talk...but, I'm too busy using my time, gifts and talents for the Lord, serving Him, and loving others, and leanig on God when I don't know what else to do. It don't matter so much what people think, all that matters is God being pleased.

In a SOLDIER'S own words

I will NEVER understand how Bush, McCain, or Anyone can IGNORE the REAL cost of this war, and justify us continuing to fight idealogies that can't be killed, defeated nor overcome with bullets or bombs...Can u help me understand?? After reading this soldiers account on Time.com, I am just at a loss...

By LIEUT. SEAN WALSH

The passing of the 4,000th service member in Iraq is a tragic milestone and a testament to the cost of this war, but for those of us who live and fight in Iraq, we measure that cost in smaller, but much more personal numbers. For me those numbers are 8, the number of friends and classmates killed in Iraq and Afghanistan, and 3, the number of soldiers from my unit killed in this deployment. I'm 25, yet I've received more notifications for funerals than invitations to weddings.

The number 4,000 is too great to grasp even for us that are here in Iraq. When we soldiers read the newspaper, the latest AP casualty figures are glanced over with the same casual interest as a box score for a sport you don't follow. I am certain that I am not alone when I open up the Stars and Stripes, the military's daily paper, and immediately search for the section with the names of the fallen to see if they include anyone I know. While in a combat outpost in southwest Baghdad, it was in that distinctive bold Ariel print in a two-week-old copy of the Stars and Stripes that I read that my best friend had been killed in Afghanistan. No phone call from a mutual friend or a visit to his family. All that had come and gone by the time I had learned about his death. I sometimes wonder, if I hadn't picked up that paper, how much longer I would have gone by without knowing - perhaps another day, perhaps a week or longer until I could find the time and the means to check my e-mail to find my messages unanswered and a death notification from a West Point distro list in my inbox. The dead in Afghanistan don't seem to inspire the keeping of lists the same way that those in Iraq do, but even if they did it wouldn't matter; he could only be number 7 to me.

I'm not asking for pity, only understanding for the cost of this war. We did, after all, volunteer for the Army and that is the key distinction between this army and the army of the Vietnam War. But even as I ask for that understanding I'm almost certain that you won't be able to obtain it. Even Shakespeare, with his now overused notion of soldiers as a "band of brothers" fails to capture the bonds, the sense of responsibility to each other, among soldiers. In many ways, Iraq has become my home (by the time my deployment ends I will have spent more time here than anywhere else in the army) and the soldiers I share that home with have become my family. Between working, eating and sleeping within a few feet of the same soldiers every single day, I doubt I am away from them for more than two hours a day. I'm engaged to the love of my life, but it will take several years of marriage before I've spent as much time with her as I have with the men I serve with today.

For the vast majority of American's who don't have a loved one overseas, the only number they have to attempt to grasp the Iraq War is 4,000. I would ask that when you see that number, try to remember that it is made up of over 1 million smaller numbers; that every one of the 1 million service members who have fought in Iraq has his or her own personal numbers. Over 1 million 8's and 3's. When you are evaluating the price of the war, weighing potential rewards versus cost in blood and treasure, I would ask you to consider what is worth the lives of three of your loved ones? Or eight? Or more? It would be a tragedy for my 8 and 3 to have died without us being able to complete our mission, but it maybe even more tragic for 8 and 3 to become anything higher.

View this article on Time.com

Obama Drama

Why can't folx just leave this man alone?? I mean, it's ridiculous that America wants him to pick whether he is a Black man or just a mulatto presidental candidate. It downright ticks me off...

Doesn't he deserve to be proud of his black heritage???

No, because it is too risky. I am proud of Obama because he has remained amazingly neutral when it comes to the issue of race, and honestly...I believe it is to Black America's advantage.

His pastor, or spiritual advisor or whatever, shouldn't have opened his mouth. Although the preacher Jeremiah Wright, expressed some opinions that are shared by a number of Black Americans.
White America wants to say that because of Barak's long standing relationship with this man, that he has the same extreme opinions.
Part of me wants to say if so, so what!?! McCain was quoted saying something like, he doesn't care if we stay in Iraq for another 100 years. HELLO!!!! Does no one see the problem with this extreme thinking???
Apparently, Pastor Wright has expressed views that claim that the government "lied about inventing the HIV virus as a means of genocide against people of color." He has supposedly also preached other radical "racial" politics. But what is America afraid of??? The truth? (I'm not saying I believe this claim, but who knows...)
Barak is not allowed to be a black man, because America doesn't want a black man in the office.
As long as he is a watered down version of a black man it MIGHT be okay. As soon as it seems like he may be an actual advocate for Black America...he's an extremist. Are you kidding me??

I'm happy that he is doing what he has to do to move forward and win this election, BUT the preacher was right when he said, "Barack knows what it means to be a black man living in a country and a culture that is controlled by rich white people. Hillary can never know that. Hillary ain't never been called a Ni****." I mean it's true isn't it??
I mean really, can Barak Obama LIVE?? America just shows it hasn't changed. People are entitled to free speech and their own opinions...right? Unless they are people of color. Humph, and I don't believe that because that Preacher said the things he has said that Obama should be attacked. DANG! I also believe that a person who is well aquainted with the hardship of being Black in America is a prime choice to bring healing and unity across racial, economic and religious barriers. Doesn't everyone want that? I would hope so.

World Wide...what?!?!

The Internet is a peculiar thing. The idea of privacy is so elusive anymore. Even on websites that claim to give you privacy...it's always questionable. And I, I am okay with sharing most of my business on this blog,and occasionally on my myspace or facebook. Every now and again, however, it comes back to haunt me. For instance, this man immed me out of nowhere, attempting to strike up a conversation with me about something that had happened in my marriage???? I was thinking,do I know you?? I didn't know him. Turns out, I had alluded to domestic abuse in a previous blog and he started talking to me about that. It was a strange...and it continues to happen, I'll mention something to a friend or an acquaintance and they'll say, oh yeah I read that on your blog. *strange*

Well,it seems my current beau's ex has discovered me...or at least she's hot on my trail. I found it funny, kinda.

I mean...I have always known that there are people who read my blogs or check my myspace while lurking behind the anonymity of the WWW. Never making comments,only making mental notes.
I never really minded it because,who cares...and I don't have anything to hide,and well it is exactly what it is. But every now and again, I get fed up. I wanna just sign off...forever. Then I realize there is no way I can just escape back into the dark ages of Internet-less living.

So what do I do???

Find a happy medium between total web-transparency and the former.

:) Yeah that's it.But is it too late??? I don't wanna erase my blog, I feel way too invested,too many nights of blogging. Well...that and my ex husband so kindly told me that if you put my whole name in Google you get "madd" hits with "all" my information.humph! It might just be too late...
There's no hiding is there??

So I might as well wave to my net-stalkers. ***feverishly waving***

May God BLESS your ministry! (lol)

caio

Slow Dance Anyone???

Tonite I wanna dance!



Can we wait just a minute
Slow it down for a minute now baby
Your talkin loud
Your wilding out
Don't seem like my old lady
Lets go and play the song we used to play
Can we reignite the flame
Cause things just ain't the same

We can talk about the baby
We can talk until we're crazy
We can focus on it now
Or we can focus on it later
We can start another fight
We can argue and fuss all night
But I propose that we go to floor and we slow dance

Tonight I wanna dance
Can you do that with you man yea
Tonight I wanna groove
And let the music make you move
Move yea

Can we wait just a minute
Turn that tv off for a minute
Now politics and talkin ish aint really none of my business
Let’s go and play the songs we used to play
On that old school radio
Let the music soothe your soul

Forget about the world
Im groovin with my girl
Forget about the news
Lets step on our dancin’ shoes
Lets not talk about the war
Don’t know what they fightin’ for
I propose that we go to the floor and we slow dance

Tonight I wanna dance
Can you do that with you man yea
Tonight I wanna groove
Let the music make you move
Move yea yea
Move yea yea

I love it
I love it
I love it we're slow dancin together
I love it
(repeat)
I love it I propose that we go to floor and we slow dance

Tonight I wanna dance
Can you do that with your man, yea
Tonight I wanna groove