Oh u ain't got nuthin to say??

I have a blog site on yahoo too...not really cause I wanted it, I felt pressure to create it. Darn this dag on cyber world! I have a facebook and Hi5 page all because of the same pressures...I am invited to join a group, a website...or something almost daily. UGH!
But, I was reading someone's blog on 360...which I've found to be a large percentage of swingers and other sexually driven folx. In the post, he asked how come these people only talk about sex...and that when posts are explicit the comments soar. But blogs that have something to say...the commenters pass them by. I'm not sure if that is much different here blogspot. But it definitely isn't as extreme as yahoo 360.
I have seen blogs that consist of a sentence like ...what is your favorite position? or What turns you on? that end up with an over load of predictable responses.(look @ u answering in your head..lol)
Why is that? I mean I have a theory, but what do u think?

I remember a while back, some one said to me "Chandra all you talk about is men." It was an awakening moment for me. I started thinking and evaluating my life. Asking myself...do I have anything else worth discussing? The answer, a resounding OF COURSE! In that moment, I realized that I had gotten lost because of my pain. I used men as an anesthetic. They looked good, they made me feel good, they took my mind off the things that I didn't wanna deal with. I was hurt, lonely and looking for a physical manifestation of love.
I mean I didn't do drugs, wasn't much for anything more than an occasional martini, and was much too broke to indulge in shopping. So what was my drug of choice??? Men. and by default sex.
(confession<<good for the soul, bad for the reputation)
We in general all a hurting, empty, broken unfulfilled people...by design.
We search and search, looking for ways to gratify ourselves. Ways to make us feel good (physically) and feel good (emotionally). We enjoy the immediate high...whatever it is, but we come down. So as to keep from staying down...we do it, over and over and over again.
We settle...thinking we are getting what we want...but ultimately, everytime...there is a point that we become aware that this thing...isn't fixing anything...and before long we r chasing a high that never quite comes. Drugs...you can't quite get high enuf, alcohol...you wake up alone in a strange place...with a banging headache, Shopping...you spend more than you have and don't even like the way it looks once you get it home, and Sex...it just doesn't satisfy like you imagined...or he just can't hang.
Either way u end up...sitting somewhere, slumped over...painfully aware.

The question is...what do we do with our awareness?
Futher self indulge, ignore it...or turn to the only ONE who can satisfy us?
It's clear what most folx choose...
We don't wanna be challenged, we don't wanna have restraint...we don't wanna do anything other than what WE wanna do.
If the things folx comment on are any sign....it's not looking good.
Cause' when it comes to the worthwhile things...you ain't got nuthin to say.

So sure...sex is exciting...we all enjoy it. But there is so much more to life...and having a sexual life that is contrary to what God requires of us is ultimately damaging. My prayer? That everyone experiences...life as God intended it. Full...of abundance, joy and sex in its proper context.

Smooches ya'll

So much going on...

Well, here I am...yes, yes, yes...take your seats ladies and gents....
Oh! the applause is too much..really!
*wishful thinking...lol...humor me. :)*
Anyway as I said there is a lot going on...and I am in need of a good blogging session. So here goes...

CSI Next Door?!?
*inquiring (preferred over nosy...plus this is serious) neighbor listens through the door...

officer:so did you know his friends very well?
lady: well * was distanced from me, I'm his mom and he kinda kept things from me.
officer:did he work?
victim's mother: no, he recieved disability and ss
officer: of about how much?
victim's mother: I think about $400 each
officer: do you know how much he was paying for this apartment
victim's mother: no
officer: was he into anything illegal?
victim's mother: honestly, * knew that I did not approve of his lifestyle. So he respected my home and kept what he did in the streests in the streets.
victim's mother: we want to see him!
officer: there is no way they are gonna let you see him
victim's mother: he's still here?
officer: they are investigating the crime scene...

No this is not a playback from CSI Miami, rather an excerpt from my so called life. Last thurday morning my 26yr old next door neighbor was found shot dead with multiple gunshot wounds to his body in his apartment. He had been missing for just about 2 days. @ 2am the cops came knocking at our front door...we answered a few questions and they left. But I couldn't sleep, so I watched and listened...it looked like CSI...as I watched through the peep hole...camera's flashing, cops in and out, white gloves, a body bag. It's crazy, and I'm officially traumatized. His murder wasn't a random act...but it happening so close has got me shaken. So please pray for us, and that I get another gig and a place to live.

Ahh...just us girlz
After all that, I went home to jerzey. My girl turned 30 on friday. So I got up @ 6am got my kids together and drove to jersey to get there in time to drop the kids off with their gramma, and get my girls to head over to the spa by 11am. we all had 50 minute sweedish massages that woulda made me slap somebody...if I wasn't so dag on relaxed and sedated..lol
We went to eat, went shopping, and to Atlantic City later that night.
We checked out Jay-Z's 40/40 club, which was pretty...but definitely NOT what we were looking for or expected. The local crowd was kinda strange..since there is no cover charge..there were some weirdos n there. (Dan...dood skooting around the club had me falling out in laughter!) Still it was nice being with each other, minus having to scream to hear each other talk and spending $100 on 3 appetizers and 4 drinks...but I digress.
You live and you learn..and I don't think we'll go there again, but our curiosity is quenched. I spent the entire weekend with Trina..from the spa Friday morning...to working saturday night...and being KNOCKED OUT sunday..lol
I am so blessed to have her as a friend...her and Dan...and Carla made my weekend off the hook.(thanx ya'll) I know she had a wonderful 30th B-day weekend. (what u think u grown??)
*oh ya'll we got a date to see the Color Purple next month...mark ur calenders!

Still
I've mentioned J a few times on my blog...
For those who don't remember...refer back to my post a LOVE just for me (August). I still love him so much. Not that true love wears out, but it is something to me. We don't see each other or talk much at all. There is no angst between us. He is deep in my heart.
It's just like...that thing you don't talk about, that just is. I'm not acting on it, not telling him too much, it's just there. When I wake up, when I'm not thinking of it, when I'm talking to other men...
I've accepted that he and I most likely won't ever be together again, but still...

I have a sweet tooth, but who needs candy?
I love my babies so much!They are just like little cupcakes!
I could just eat them up...it's something. I remember after my twins were born...I had a natural motherly affection for them, but nothing more. I was depressed a lot, and went through so much. Including, being left, and homeless for a few months. I had no joy. I began praying for a deeper love and compassion for my children.
I can happily and truly say that today I adore my children. I could put some whipped cream and spinkles on them and eat them up!!
I love looking at them, laughing with them, teaching them, watching them learn, taking them out, playing games with them, holding them, kissing them, watching them grow...
I used to hate to hear what people would say about my age...and my number of children. But you know what? Who cares! My children are little "baked" blessings sent from above...lol
Thank you Lord for seeing fit to send them through me. For confiding trust in me, that I could properly mother them...even knowing that I'd be alone. Lord if you never give me anything else...another child, a husband, a bigger house, a better job...you've given me more then enough in Elijah, Micah, Amayah, and Jonah!

Thanxgiving
I always tell u people the things I am grateful for...but since this is the official time of year to express these feelings lemme share what I am so thankful for:

• music,songs, and singing
• tears
• D'angelo...lol
• warmth
• technology
• changing seasons
• health, and life
• literacy, and expression
• church
• money and a banging job @ home
• something to drive
• somewhere to live
• fun,laughs,smiles
• good food
• diets...lol...kinda
• being so dag on fiine! (lol)
• growth
• healing
• love, kisses, and hugs
• all things soft, pink, and girly
• my hellokitty email address (chanichew@hellokitty.com )
• memories
• soft slippers n robes
• bubble baths
• being invited to Leon's party...uhoh!
• hot chocolate with whipped cream
• good books
• candles
• precious scents
• eye candy...(landscapes,colors,animals, babies, and men)
• the mall,shopping! shoes!clothes!
• diamonds,rubies, n colapop (lol)
• my family
• my friends
• get togethers
• my kids
• salvation,God's word
• my relationship with the Lord
• joy, contentment, and happiness
• victory
• YOU!

Be blessed ya'll....whew! this was a long one huh? Told u I had a lot to say..hehehe

MWWAAAHH!

Hey Everybody!

I have by no means forgotten you...and I actually have a whole lot to blog about...including my best friends birthday, a local murder, and a ball I'm going to and possibly modeling in next month...whew!
It has been crazy here lately. Today, and for the next few days I will be in search of a home...so please lift me up in prayer.
I just want you to know that I love you people that read my blog...those that comment and those that don't. I am fighting the urge to want to compete with other bloggers for readers and learning to just be comfortable with my blog for what it is....
The place I get stuff off my chest. :)
It's like a virtual best friend...because unlike my inanimate journal here at home...I can get ur feedback. I love that.
So if all you do is drop in every now and again to see about me I am grateful...just like I am for all the friends that I can see and touch.
Be Blessed...I can't guarantee I'll be back on blogger before Monday 11/21
because of all that is going on...but I will certainly try and by all means don't stop checkin in on a sista. (smiles)
I love you more than I love hot chocolate and sweedish fish!
(ooh that's a lot) hehehe
smooches!

I Got Tagged!!!

I did a MEME a while back...but my boy Clint (on the blogroll)
tagged me...so i'ma do it again.
i luv all u folx that read this. :)

Ten years ago
I was a teenager...I had my first boyfriend and I thought he was the best thing since cds...lol
whaddup Calvin. Yeah, his name was Calvin and it was around the time that McDonalds had the Calvin commercials...everyone had jokes. But SO WHAT!!! I was a sophomore and he was a senior...and he had a car, so NOW!!!
I was spoiled by my parents. My mom found out the cancer came back.

Five years ago
I gave birth to premature twins. I was six months pregnant and thought the pain was just Braxton Hicks contractions (psuedo-prep contractions) my then husband and I decided to go to the hospital, just to check it out...I was 7 (out of 10) centimeters dialated!! My babies were born that night. They were kept in the N.I.C.U for 5 weeks. It was very uncertain if they'd make it. Today the twins are in kindergarten!!!

One year ago
I was finishing up my undergrad career, working, and raising my fam.

Five yummy things
Sweedish fish,Dessert Treats, steak (chicken fried), buffalo chicken wings, and hot chocolate
(#6...my kids cheeks...lol)

Two songs I know by heart
"Hero" Mariah Carey, and "It is well with my Soul" Hymn

Six things I would do with a lot of money
ministry stuff, save for my kids, buy a few cribs, give money to fam and friends, get a trainer,
shop...alot

Five places I want to Escape To
Bigmom's house, New Jersey, Hawaii, Spain, His arms

Two things I would never wear
a strap on, latex anything
oooh lawdhavamercy...lol


Five favorite TV shows
Girlfriends, Boston Legal, Grey's Anatomy, Commander and Chief, Prison Break

Five things I enjoy doing
Reading, Sleeping, Blogging, Shopping, Singing

Five Favorite Toys
my cell, the computer, jojo's toes, do purses and shoes count??

Five People to Tag
Latinchik.Trina,Unspokentreasure, q.b, truth
(and n e of my blog buddies who haven't meme'd already)


Is that everything??? I hope so...How'd I do Clint??
N e way...I have more blogging to do, but this'll have to suffice for today.

smooches ya'll... please COMMENT....
even if u just say hi Chan..ur wonderful...lol