Randomotions...to love him or leave him alone

Humanity never ceases to amaze me. There is this "girl"(from my man's past) who insists on playing mind games and trying to psychologically manipulate people around me to negatively affect my relationship with him. It ain't nothing new, these tactics. Baby mommas and exes all around the world employ them. Yet, I find myself fighting to remain unaffected. On top of this, he has a few other exes who have made their hate for our relationship known, as well as letting him (and the world) know how much they still love him.

He wants me to ignore all that, and hang in there with him. He tells me to be confident and secure in my place. And usually, that is not a problem. Yet, here lately I'm feeling more and more like I am being drained with this negative energy from outsiders who wish they could be in my place. Even understanding that it is foolish nonsense and hate isn't 100% enough to let it roll off my back.

It gets me to wondering if I can deal with this kinda thing for long term. I mean, my daddy taught me that drama is for tv, not for my life. I live by that motto. When things get a little too dramatic, I take a few steps back and reevaluate whether some people, places, or things need to be eliminated from my cypher. So this is where I am.

Although, I wanna stay with him more than ever...just to thwart their efforts. And of course there is the way more logical and somewhat emotional side that says..."Chan you don't have to deal with this mess!" Even though I love him so much, and I do. Even though he loves me, and I'm sure of that. Some things are deal breakers...and I'm just trying to decide if this is mine. ???

Diamonds, On tha Headlines...4get DL, it's me

So here are my thoughts, musings, and opinions about some of the news headlines that are on my mind. I'm gonna try to do these once a week...so please lemme know what u think.


Star High School Running Back Mysteriously Dead
So the story is that, he was pulled over by an officer and when the officer returned to his patrol car to run this young man's info. He heard a gunshot
and when he came up to the car, he saw Billy Joe Johnson dead on the ground by the driver side of the car.
His family and friends are in disbelief...MY TAKE:Um, I don't know why, maybe it's my cynicism toward officers...but something in me is thinking...*cough* buLLsH!t *cough* I mean, it could've happened, I guess. But it just seems so arbitrary that he'd take that moment to kill himself. They said he had a shotgun by his side...a shot gun???
I dunno ya'll, this just don't sit right with me. What do you say??? You can read the story HERE


What if they were black?
So this is the case where the little was missing for over 30days before her mother reported her missing. The mom's story has changed continuously, her car was found abandoned with the stench of a decomposing body in it, but no body. After months she was finally charged with the disappearance of her daughter, for which she has pled "not guilty" maintaining that the babysitter stole er daughter.
MY TAKE: I feel real funny about this situation as well, but what is overwhelmingly obvious is how "well" this young woman has been treated under the circumstances. She has been jailed two or three times, only to be released, the authorities (while suspecting her) have given her plenty of the benefit of the doubt even though her stories have been unbelievable and just not checking out. But if this young twenty something mom was black, whether it received any media coverage or not (most likely not) she would've been locked up, put under the jail, and treated as guilty until proven innocent. I know this, because I've seen it first hand with young black mothers...and not for killing or losing their children, but for allegations of spankings, or just about any other thing that is viewed as a social infraction. The irony of this is down right pitiful.
By the way there are missing minority little girls and boys that never get air time...what about them?


Flood Warning For "My Town"...
The Weather channel reports that, "A FLOOD WARNING MEANS THAT FLOODING IS IMMINENT OR HAS BEEN REPORTED. "
MY TAKE: Oh, great. I'm at work right now so I'ma have to row, row, row my boat home...I sure hope my house hasn't floated away. lol.
Have a Happy Saturday!!!

My Spiritual Journey to Having it All...

“Having it all”, isn’t that what every woman wants? It bodes the question, is it possible to have it all? The answer is a resounding yes. However, it all comes down to how we determine just what “it all” is.

The Virtuous woman outlined in Proverbs 31, gives us a clue in on this idea of having it all. I remember thinking, and hearing other women express that the Virtuous woman standard is an impossibility for everyday women. This woman took exceptional care of her household, her husband, used her hands to bring income into her household, worshipping the Lord all the while. Sure, we wanna be like the Virtuous woman, but can we be?

In this day in age, we women struggle to balance it all. We are working, raising children, trying to stay fit and healthy, going to school, starting businesses, being active in ministry, cultivating our relationships with the Lord, investing in our marriages and friendships, and trying to keep our households together. Sometimes it seems that there is just too much to do and so little time.
I am a divorced mother of four school aged children. There is no question that mothering is in and of itself hard-work, but in addition to that, I am a full time law student, I work nights on a per-diem basis, have a home to maintain, bills to pay, I manage to maintain some sort of social life with my girlfriends, and an occasional date. I am very active in my church, and like to shop. I work out when I can, but not enough. I love to cook, and do just about every day of the week. To be honest, sometimes it all is so overwhelming that it leaves me slumped over the sink with tears splashing into the soapy dish water below me. It’s in moments like these that I hear the reassuring voice within me, the Spirit of God reminding that I can have it all, I can do it all but only through the power of the Holy Spirit.

You know, it has to be the truth because every time someone says to me, “Girl I don’t know how you do it.” I think, “I don’t know how either”. It has to be divine. More times than not, I don’t have enough money to pay all of my bills but I still have a home with electricity and running water. I don’t always feel like cooking dinner, helping with homework, and then doing my own. I don’t always wanna hear kids jumping and running through the house. Yet, I’ve been able to develop remarkable ways to keep stress low, feed my family, and stay current on my schoolwork. When I try to make sense of it all, I can’t except to say that the Lord has provided, He’s made a way out of no way, and the Spirit of God has empowered me beyond what is physically, perhaps even humanly possible.

The truth is, you and I cannot have it all…in our own power, but when we surrender to the power of God we’ll be surprised what we can achieve.

Perspective is significant to having it all. We must consider, how is “having it all” measured? Is it by the assets that we own? The amount of money that we have amassed? Is it the prestige ascribed by others? Or is it by the small things in life? Perhaps it’s that I’ve been homeless and have had the misfortune of living between cars, motels, and other people’s homes, that makes me so grateful. Whatever it is, I am certain that gratefulness is primary in “having it all.” I have it all because every little blessing is huge to me. I bestow love and concern on my precious children, family and friends because I am grateful for them, for their lives and their health and strength. I care for my house, because I see it as a gift. Reading my cases for school is important because the opportunity to pursue my dream in law school is a privilege.
Similarly, by being grateful, by counting my blessings it helps me to put life in perspective. I don’t have to have a whole lot of money in my bank account, I don’t have to have the newest coach bag, or even a salon pedicure to have it all. It doesn’t matter so much if my laundry room doesn’t look exactly like one out of Better Homes and Gardens magazine. When I go to Wal-Mart and leave with a cart full of pillows and candles, sheets, paper-plates, hi-c, socks and laundry detergent, I smile to myself and think, I have it all!

In this New Year ladies, here is our challenge: To seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these other things, the Word promises, will be added into our lives. Just think, doesn’t this promise simplify the conquest of “having it all”? You may be wondering, “How do I seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness?” Well, the answer is to change your perspective by prioritizing, what I call, “quiet time” with God. We must spend time reading the Bible and praying in earnest daily. It is not easy to keep this focus, but it is possible and with it comes the promise that “all these things” we spin our wheels in pursuit of, will be added unto us. It is in studying the Word and conversing with the Lord in prayer that we discover the right way to go and the paths to avoid: the overall direction for our lives.

Resolutions are generally made to be broken, but if we must make resolutions, let’s resolve to seek the kingdom of God with our whole hearts, to read the word, to pray, to tithe, to find a church home and to be active in it, and then to trust that the promises of God are “Yes and Amen”, and you will be amazed how blessed your life is. As you go on about pursuing the abundant life, remember that perfection is not attainable although we aim towards it, and with a little bit of perspective and the power of the Holy Spirit, you won’t have to labor to “have it all,” you just might realize that you’ve had it all along.

A New Day

I was sitting at my kitchen table this weekend, opening mail. A midst a bunch of junk and bills I'd rather discard, was an envelope with an Obama (Yes We Did) bumper sticker. I had ordered it, but still felt excited when it arrived. I took the sticker out and set it on the table to be ready for next time I went out to the car.
My beautiful 2year old nephews were over for the weekend. They are finally getting their precious baby sounds to sound like English. :)
Christopher, the oldest of the twins, came right over to the table and said, "Ahbama!" Stunned, I said, "Huh?" And he replied and pointed to the bumper sticker, "Ahbama, Ahbama." I jumped up and almost ran to my living room, where my brother was, to tell him what the baby said. Little Chris followed right behind me grinning as I recounted the story. I said, "tell daddy" and sure enough it was no mistake..."Ahbama." lol.
What a day, when my little 2yr old gorgeous, intelligent, caramel brown baby nephew, knows the President-Elect by name. It might seem so insignificant to some, but it is HUGE to me. And who knows what the future holds, what that moment meant, because Christopher might even be President one day. It could happen.

I mean....it literally could happen!