The sun is coming out now...after two days of dreariness and rain.
They say the rain is good...the earth needs it....it's cleansing.
Good sleeping weather and weather to cuddle with your beloved.
I prefer the sun tho. It just lifts my spirits and makes me wanna go out, clean,
shop, workout, something lively and exciting. I understand that I have to accept the rain tho.
My morning was filled with tension. Last night I engulfed myself in each moment I was awake...I was with someone I love so much. I just took in the seconds of pleasure....the way it felt to be near him, to hear him breathe,his scent, the way all concious thought just faded into mindless bliss. As our time drew to an end...I started feeling that tugging in my gut, that I hate to recognize.That feeling that says, "this isn't it."
I remember when I was in school...grade school and highschool, I used to write my name with the object of my affection's last name behind it. Practiced my signature...even our future children's name...
It seems so silly now.
Except on many occassions, I imagine him standing at the alter...waiting for me.
I picture how I'll paint the walls in the bedroom for his sons. (so they feel at home)
He told me I had the kinda fingers he wanted to put a ring on...
The red flags have been waving since the onset but the benefit of the doubt has had veto power.So...here I am.
Absolutely enamored with him, yet painfully aware that neither of us is fully
commited to the other. Altho in my heart...I want to be.
Well anyway...church was good today. It was a needed change of venue since I woke up this morning with a tension headache. So I'm feeling better...I need some quiet time with God. I need to refocus on a whole lot and I think I might need to scream into my pillow tonite...and I'll be just fine. :)
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20 comments:
sending you lots of cyber hugs....
why arent there more sweet and kind women out there like you?
@ladynay..thanx for the hugs!!
@friar...you always make me smile
omg .comot.com
omg....i feel lik....damz no words can describe it....lik refreshin n makes me wanna cry...awwww...lolz...gurl u do a really great job on expressin urself ;)
I'm sending you hugs too...I also need more personal time with God...like you, I prefer the sunnier days because I am so much more full of energy when the weather is hot and beautiful.
did screaming in the pillow work? listen to that little voice tht says 'this ain't it' it's probably right.
Scream on sister!
I agree with Clint - Why aren't there more sweet and kind women like you?
I couldn't even read your entire post, but I feel you. I just feel a since of sadness and I wonder why sadness and unrest always finds its way to the good people in this world.
I'm don't know why all of sudden this feeling has come over me. Maybe its because I know how you feel and I hate to see you or anyone else feel that way.
{{{{{HUGS 2 U}}}}}}
Just dropping in like a rain drop :-)
-Berry
Nothing like a good ole scream. Look at Michael and Janet.
Wow!...I'm your girl and I didn't even know it was that serious with you and him. I didn't know you was really feelin' him like that. I just thought he had a good shot...hahaha
Hey Chandra, It's Trish! How are u girl? I hope all is well. I am hitting you up because I don't have yahoo anymore, girl someone stole my account info and I can't even log back into my account and yahoo's incompetent (sp?) won't do anything about it...soooo, if you could tell Jermaine that the next time u talk to him... I dont want him to think I was ignoring him or anything, I try to give him encouragement while he is out there and just to know how he is...please give him my info, my new email is tridean@gmail.com and tell him to email me...i hope you are ok and u need to hit me up chick!!! Just to catch up...aight be blessed
@latinchik...hey mama, that's real nice of you to say. I try.
@tam...who knows? we might b long lost sistas..lol
well we're sisters spiritually n e way, it's great to be connected.
I didn't even think about writing about the Da Vinci mess...but I got u, I have a bunch to say on that and this supposed movie "The Beast" scheduled for release 6/6/06
@prof...yeah we are on the same page about the sun. :) I guess most folx are. I'm enjoying the weather change....and boy, I needed those hugs!
@chele...the pillow thing definitely helps!! I'm listening to my gut...ugh, I am.
@nsearch...thank u so much for encouraging me. and making me feel like folx care about a sista.
I think I experience such sadness because I love so intensely. I try to put up a guard...but I can't.
That's just me...I dunno.
But Ima be ok, and people like u assure me of that. :) Thank u...and for the hugs too.
@honey....ahhhhh!! lol
@berry...i'm so glad u dropped in. :)
@brothabuck...and who'da thought I'b b learning N E thing from Micheal Jackson??? lol
@Trina...maybe I don't wanna talk about it too much...cause u know me and my emotions, it gets all complicated and too much for words.
but yeah i'm luvin him AND it's over...
but u should understand that.
and girl don't EVEN get me to talking bout them otha things...lol
@Trish...hey girl, I forwarded Maine the info. I'm sure he's glad he got a friend like u while he is in Iraq...:)
ps..how is AZIZ? This is a small world mama...lemme tell u 'bout it!!! holla at me SOON!
I know what you mean about "red flags" they are usually "for real." I'm glad you took some time with God. Hope all goes well for you.
I love the John Legend song by the way.
Sometimes I stop by your sight just to listen.
@thegig...hi!!! i'm learning to pay attention to those red flags...sooner than too late.
@friar...i know right, his whole cd is awesome...it was my staple cd for 2005. :)
..and keep stopping by!!
smooches
Don't do it. Don't ignore your voice. Let it keep you safe. Let it lead. It knows.
Don't do it. Don't ignore your voice. Let it keep you safe. Let it lead. It knows.
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