My Love Life

So, I went ahead and went out with dude on Vday. We just chilled ate some pizza, boo-luved and that kinda thing. It was a real nice night. When he arrived he said that he'd forgotten my gift...lol. So I said it's kool, I wasn't expecting anything anyway.
So we're chillin and I start to fall asleep and he says baby, I got ur stuff in the car." I was like "what stuff?" He said. "your gift." So he leaves to go to his car. Twenty minutes later
(I hear the collective awwhh man! lol) I think to myself, Where is this nigro's car? In east giblip? I'm like...this dag on nigro is going to buy me something. So when he comes back in...I put my hand out like, give me whatever. So he pulls out a box of David Bradley chocolate covered strawberries and a singing teddy bear and a card. The best part was probably reading the card. But anyway I say to him, "where did u go?" He says "to my car" I say "you didn't go to no car...it wouldn't have taken that long."He says that it took him that amount of time to write in the card. I took that.
I found out that the candy store he went to was right around corner from where we were.
So I was right...but my problem was that he knew that I had put out money to celebrate his birthday/valentine's day. I bought a birthday cake, some chocolates, a birthday and vday card, and dinner among other things. I probably spent about $ 170. Which depending who u are may or may not be a lot. But it was significant for me. I didn't expect that in return. This man has always been a gentleman (and continues to be) I never pay for anything so I didn't mind footing the bill last night...but I just didn't appreciate his lack of fore thought. Does that make sense?
Like, he called me making sure we were going to go out...but he came empty handed.
It's kool. I guess the chocolate covered strawberries make it all better. (humph)
Overall tho, I had a nice night. But it's the friends category for him. Hate to do it but...
(hehehe)

I spoke to an exboyfriend earlier this week. He told me that if it didn't work out with any of "the other cats" he was always available. I just smiled and thought "naw." He said "I'm serious girl, I'll marry you. You can cook and everything." I thought that was funny, like being able to cook in itself is qualifying wife criteria. lol. Maybe it is ion know. I thought his words were a nice gesture, but once in the friend category...it just ain't nuthing.

Then last night, my ex-husband said to me (after we had a deep and emotional convo/arguement) "I'm not your prince charming, just a nigga that fell in love and did some f'd up sh.. along the way, what am i supposed to do?" His words resonated with me...I mean I heard them clearly because it was real. He was not my prince charming, not the one I should've waited on..but somehow he's the one that I chose to love. He says he wants us to be back together, and many times I've wished it were possible... but the consequences of some of that f'd up stuff is life long and I can not accept it in a marriage. Sometimes I forget how deep the scar runs...how intense the damage. Last night I remembered.

Finally, in a previous post called "Emotions" I talked about someone who I still loved but wasn't in contact with. Well I sent out a group email to many of my friends and he was one of them. I named them individually and told them what they meant to me. To him I wrote "I still love you. I miss you so much I feel it in my dreams." I didn't expect a response. I had emailed him once before and he didn't respond and I'd dropped a Christmas card in his mailbox and he never contacted me...so I kinda chalked it up. Well, he responded this time. The email started out, "Girl, you never cease to m-aze me" he continued on to tell me it was good to hear from me and to give "dap" to my bro and my kids. lol. But for once I felt something other than love. I was hurt. Hurt because his email was still so "middle of the road" no real sense of anything other than...I'm here, glad you're there. U know? Hurt because, I never did anything to deserve being ignored, or for him to pick and choose when he'll dignify me with a response. I do love him...but maybe feeling that hurt is the beginning of my letting go.
Who knows?

Take care ya'll