My mood:
disturbed
Quote of the day:
"Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through HIM that loved us." Romans 8:37
I have a ...friend. Well an ex-friend...an aquaintance?? I don't know...let's just say I know some one who is a drug addict. (Don't we all??) He used to be an very integral part of my life, but he is no longer. Still we have very occassional contact. Well I got pissed recently because he wrote on his webpage about being a struggling addict with the whole poor me syndrome. I was just disgusted. And since we were friends at one time, I thought I'd share my feelings with him...so I wrote him this note..(name is changed to protect his privacy)
crack kills lou. it's sad... you always spit game about how you are gettting yourself together, and how you're fixing today for a better tommorow...but when does your tommorow start?It makes me so sad...and angry. I'm not invested anymore, so I can let it go.But for you I just hang my head in sorrow. I must suck to be dying inside, to not have a future, to keep failing, to disgust your own mother who has dealt with the addiction demon too. But you won't change until you look at your self and are TRULY disgusted. How can u invest in a relationship with anyone?? chick, fam or friends when you don't honor yourself and your body?God loves you and you need to turn completely to Him. I pray that you find true salvation, healing, and total deliverance. Life is sad and hopeless without Christ.Thank you for assuring me that I am not missing anything.Your tommorow is not promised get right today...happy 32nd bday.
I'll admit that it was kind of harsh...but he has been living a sad cycle of drug abuse, jail stints and so on for a long time. As long as I've known him, he's talked about changing, and doing better. But still the same thing. His response to me was...
thank you for the birthday wish, chan.(if that was truly your intention...lol) . no one knows me better than i know me, chandra. i know that i f'd up. in the past, i used to think that i hit my bottom. i now know that i truly hadn't hit rock bottom until quite recent. i have nothing because of my actions. now i'm no psychiatrist or drug counselor, but as for my mother, i would think that it was truly easier for her to get her sh*t right considering the fact that neither one of her parents did any drugs. as for me, well she got high up until the time i went to _ _ at 14 years old. and wouldn't you know it? just when i thought that i was going to have a better life, i find out that my father was sniffing heroin until the time i came back to _ _ at 19 years old. it is said that children born to parents who are addicted to illegal drugs, have a 50/50 chance of becoming addicts themselves. most cases i have seen in my life, it is usually the mother who is the addict and the father is normally out of the picture. not true with me. i had the misfortune of having both my parents getting high basically until i was an adult. not trying to blame them or make an excuse for my sh*t, but you do the math. i didn't have a true holy and godly example set for me like you and your family. oh yeah! i also never said that you were missing anything. you read my page! i'm trying to reinvent myself and i don't need any negative vibes. i wouldn't do that to you, so please don't come at me like that...
Isn't that something? His whole email was about blaming someone else and then not accepting the responsibility for blaming them. It would be laughable if it wasn't so sad. And he referred to what I had to say as "negative vibes." It's kinda crazy...I'm thinking crack has a negative vibe...
But truly this isn't about drugs...it's about humanity.
We always want to be the victim. No one ever wants to say, I just made some bad choices. Period. Everyone has a horror story.
I was raised in a two parent christian home, but I had to watch my mother die. I've been abused, cheated on, alone and pregnant, homeless and poor. But a victim? I refuse to wear that. I have healing that still needs to occur. But I don't blame the people who have wronged me, my circumstances, or God for my own shortcomings. When we allow ourselves to be victims we excuse our bad behavior. We never see the true error of our ways...it's always the other person who is wrong. We enable ourselves to live self destructive lives. I got so angry with Lou because he can have a chance to live a full life, drug free.
Those of us who shift blame for a living don't even give ourselves a chance. The truth hurts BUT it is the Truth that will set us FREE!
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
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19 comments:
hey diamonds, been a minute since i stopped thru neighbor. i don't think people who have been into drugs are able to accept responsibility for what they do/what they've done - if they could, they wouldn't be caught up. only divine power can break that victim cycle. try patience.
Wow... that is really sad. Sorry to hear about your friend. I have an aunt who has struggled with drugs her whole life...
At first, I would be her sole cheerleader. Every time she went to rehab, I would be like... THIS time it will work. HANG IN THERE! YOU CAN DO IT! I would be all encouraging, telling her how good she looked, and how proud of her I was.
Then she would get out of our urban community for a while and do GREAT from months at a time. But then come back to visit... disappear for a couple days... and come back looking like a homeless cracked out crack head again.
After the never ending cycle repeated 4 or 5 times, I grew weary of her 'I'ma do better' schpeels, and became numb to her like the rest of my family was. I took on an 'I'll believe it when I see it' type of attitude, and even then only after she was clean for years, not months. I am not discouraging to her, but I just cant muster up the energy to go out of my way to be her cheerleader anymore. She has 5 kids, didnt raise a SINGLE one, the youngest is only 13. If you cant pull it together to improve the lives of your own children, I am not sure you ever will.
I havent given up hope. Anything is possible. But I dont put much faith in her. I can't endure the constant disappointment.
(by the way, thanks for checking my site, and the compliments :-))
@ Glory...thanx for stopping thru! Missed seeing u around. :)
You are right about addicts, but it seems to me that not just addicts have this problem. People love to shift blame!!Patience is a virtue, but one that I can't afford concerning him. I just had to get it off my chest, now I'll leave it in God's hands.
@prodigalsun...
hey handsome! It is kind of sad. I personally don't understand the hold of drugs, but I know it is very real.
At the same time, I know that it doesn't have to utterly destroy a person's life.
One of my BEST friends was strung out on heroine before she was 16 and had been living on the streets and everything. Today she is drug free, a mother, and serving our country over in Iraq. I know freedom is possible...it's so sad when you have to almost write off a person you care about...because they aren't sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Thanx for coming by!
smooches!
@tamiko...i'm very glad that u responded. i was worried about posting this, but i was so frustrated with the situation...you are right, we have a responsibility to turn to God and ask for the strength to walk upright. I am happy that you found your strength in Him. it is true that God watches us...and keeps us even when we don't want to be kept.
i got twisted up in that relationship...and God allowed it to teach me, and to help me value what He truly has for me. I wish the best for lou, but as I said...he's gotta decide for himself.
Hey there beautiful...this is ya boi Incomp from Y! 360. This is a truly sad situation. And I can totally understand your anger and disgust in a situation such as this. But what we have to realize is that personal change has to be personal. It has to happen inwardly. I'm sure he's probably seen some things that has made him want to change, but those external stimuli are not going to do anything until he changes his thoughs and renews his mind. (Romans 12:2) Creflo Dollar said that "anger is like fire, power, and sex. They can all be used for good as well as bad...and our job is to know when and how to use it." Maybe he will get so mad at his situation till it will drive him to change...for good. But who knows? It is your job to pray for him though, and don't regret getting mad at him or really telling him how you feel, casue the fact is he needs it. And anyone that loves you will correct you, God does it ALL the time. But keep him in your prayers and I will as well. Much luv sweetie. I hope you find this to your liking.
@imcomp
as always ur words bring a big smile to my face. I truly appreciate your sentiments and encouragement that my feelings were valid. And you're right all I can do is pray....It isn't a last resort, it is the only thing.
Thanx for FINALLY commenting!!!
smooches!
Hmmmm, he sounds like someone I used to know who isn't even (supposedly) on drugs...he just likes to pass responsiblity for his life onto others. He is really good at pointing fingers. It is sad. You just hope for the best.
Becoming enslaved to drugs isn't really about bad choices. It's about despair and pain and a way to numb them. It's a sickness just like any other and he desperately needs a healing. But he has to believe he can be healed to receive it.
The blame game is a symptom of his spiritual sickness, not the cause. He will come to realize that after all the people in his life get sick of dealing with his problem and fall by the wayside....there will be noone left except himself...and Jesus.
That's when things will really get rough.
Lord Jesus, sometimes we have bang our heads bloody against the wall before we get an understanding that we don't want to die without knowing you are waiting for us with open arms. He is wonderfully made by your loving hands. I trust in you to keep him in his time of trouble. I Love you and all with all my heart I pray that he comes to Love you, too. Your will be done, Lord.
I'm gonna kinda have to side with "lou" on this issue. Let me first say I kinda know what it's like to be in his position. I had two parents that used drugs, one is dead the other...still uses (functionally). I have never been addicted to drugs so I don't know what it's like to overcome the addiction but I do know from attending NA meetings with my mother that acceptance is the first step. You can't fix a problem if you don't recognize that one exist. And for a lot of people they go their whole lives with their eyes shut (so to speak).
While I'm quite sure that he's probably still far from permanant recovery...he's got one up on the rest of society. And when I say the rest of society I'm talking about the mothers who constantly accpet "no good niggaz" in the lives of them and their children...only to call up their girlfriends and say "He did, he did, he did" instead of "I let him do". He's got one up on all the women who have had sex with any and everything that winked an eye at them. He's got one up on all the men who can't see that not paying child support to spite the mother is stil hurting the child.
It is harder for a child with addict parents to not become an addict...because you learn at an early age that they way to deal with problems is to alter your state of conscienceness with drugs. It's no different from somebody being raised with two christain parents learning that the way to deal with problems is to pray. So to a certain extent...he has the right to point the finger. Now I'm not saying that he can point the finger so much as to totally relieve himself of any responsibility. But as a child of two parents who used drugs...you have to work to go against the grain. Not everybody can hack it. I did...he didn't, we're two differnt people with two different uses of our willpower.
Chan I know you personally and without saying too much I know there are some things that you learned not only from your parents but from the religion that we both practice that hasn't always put you in the best situation or circumstances.
I say the only difference between him, people like him and other people is that he's addicted to drugs and people look down on that. But you got people who are addicted to drama, the need to have people love them, attention, shopping, sex, all kinds of stuff that a lot of times cause the same problems as being addicted to drugs.
I hate to be ghetto (actually I really don't) and quote Tupac but only God can judge him.
I'm gonna kinda have to side with "lou" on this issue. Let me first say I kinda know what it's like to be in his position. I had two parents that used drugs, one is dead the other...still uses (functionally). I have never been addicted to drugs so I don't know what it's like to overcome the addiction but I do know from attending NA meetings with my mother that acceptance is the first step. You can't fix a problem if you don't recognize that one exist. And for a lot of people they go their whole lives with their eyes shut (so to speak).
While I'm quite sure that he's probably still far from permanant recovery...he's got one up on the rest of society. And when I say the rest of society I'm talking about the mothers who constantly accpet "no good niggaz" in the lives of them and their children...only to call up their girlfriends and say "He did, he did, he did" instead of "I let him do". He's got one up on all the women who have had sex with any and everything that winked an eye at them. He's got one up on all the men who can't see that not paying child support to spite the mother is stil hurting the child.
It is harder for a child with addict parents to not become an addict...because you learn at an early age that they way to deal with problems is to alter your state of conscienceness with drugs. It's no different from somebody being raised with two christain parents learning that the way to deal with problems is to pray. So to a certain extent...he has the right to point the finger. Now I'm not saying that he can point the finger so much as to totally relieve himself of any responsibility. But as a child of two parents who used drugs...you have to work to go against the grain. Not everybody can hack it. I did...he didn't, we're two differnt people with two different uses of our willpower.
Chan I know you personally and without saying too much I know there are some things that you learned not only from your parents but from the religion that we both practice that hasn't always put you in the best situation or circumstances.
I say the only difference between him, people like him and other people is that he's addicted to drugs and people look down on that. But you got people who are addicted to drama, the need to have people love them, attention, shopping, sex, all kinds of stuff that a lot of times cause the same problems as being addicted to drugs.
I hate to be ghetto (actually I really don't) and quote Tupac but only God can judge him.
It sounds like you are still enmeshed in his drama. Blaming others in part of denial of sorts. Not denial of a problem but a denial of responsibility.
I am going to link ya on my blog. Hope you do the same.
Lawdhammercyjesus!! This could have been written by my sister!! My sister is an alcohlic and weed head and will blame everybody and their 2nd cousins for problems that she has brought on herself. She has yet to it her bottom but I feel that its coming
I'm not denying he has a problem...that's evident. But people don't go to police stations and say lock me up because I made myself an easy target to get mugged or raped. They say lock this person up because they did this to me.
I think all he's doing is acknowledging that the odds were against him, which they were. Now that doesn't mean that he couldn't fight them and beat them cause many people do it everyday. I'm living proof.
Can he blame his parents for him smoking crack...hell no, cause he always had a choice. But he can blame them for no evening the playing field. Hell, black people do it everyday. They blame white people for shit that happend 200 years ago. People blamed Bush for not acting as they thought he should during the Katrina disaster, they called the people of New Orleans "victims". They had a choice to evacuate...it's just that just as in "lou's" case...the odds were against them.
Some people overcome the odds, some don't.
Interesting blog. Your comment to Lou sounds like it should also be said to my oldest granddaughter; not about drugs but about other issues in her life. It seems that she has a natural knack for making really bad choices and blames everyone else. She is a drama queen. Don't get me wrong, I love her dearly and it hurts me to see her going down the path in which she is going. She had so much support as a child, and even though she was raised by her dad, we all became a village for her.
I can sort of relate to Lou, as he reminds me of myself. I am not on drugs and have never been, but I am addicted to sugar, cake, donuts, candy, anything sweet. Fruits are not sweet enough for me -- no, it has to be something heavy like cake with frosting,etc. I continue to tell myself each and everyday that I am going to stop eating all of that junk but when I begin to crave that sugar, my body just keep craving and craving until I can't take it no more and will do practically anything I can to find something sweet to eat. This is not a pity party, believe me I am taking complete responsibility for my lack of willpower when it comes to sweets. I know that I am in danger of becoming a diabetic and I pray about it. I have to believe that in time, and faith, I will get a grip on this. I have to really show the Lord that I am ready to give this up, and when I look in the mirror, I will not get mad at myself that I can't get rid of the extra fullness at the gut.
Wooa, I love the new pic. The old one was nice too, but wow.
@don juan ...thanx 4 the comment and I'm gonna link up wit u too. :)
@icey...prayerfully she'll get it too.
@gig...i feel u on the things that we have inherited. I've also inherited that tendency toward being a fatty...but if I'm too fat...or develop diabetes...I only have myself to blame...tendency or no tendency. I have some recurrent issues in my fam, but knowing that has put me on alert to make better choices...as much as I can, cause I know I'm a whole lot more likely to mess up...better get my butt back in the gym before things get completely outta hand. :)
@brothabuck...aw! thanx
@chele...where did ur blog go???
i miss u...where u at????
:(
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