Monday, October 17, 2005

Random thoughts, rants, and gripes (in no particular order)



My mood:
Introspective
Quote for Today:
"Let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart." Galations 6:9

This Blog
I try to be very organized and blogger has been aggravating me. I won't leave, since I'm new and all...and it isn't that bad. But I just wanted to gripe about it real quick.

My Passion
This as in passion that drives me. Not passion as in suffering. Although as I think of it now...the two seem inextricably linked. I had my life pretty much planned out. As many of us do. But several things interrupted my perfect life plans...not the least of them including my mother's death, and my teenage pregnancy. It has continued on in my life...I perhaps more than many other people, I have seen MY plans for my life be altered and all together halted either by failings of my own or straight up out of my control circumstances. Which brings me to today. I have attained my long sought after degree (It was much harder for me as a mother of four children 6 and under) and I believed that after that, I'd find a good job and fall into financial security. Because that's just what I was taught to believe. In fact, I have seen this play out in many people's lives...just not mine. It turns out the job I have held over the last three years pays better than most entry level corporate jobs. humph!
Door after door has been closed...I am in a "wilderness" place.
God has revealed to me that it is all about PERCEPTION. Today I am free from debt! I'm not living in my ideal situation or location..but I have some freedom. I can stay at home with my youngest child and I can attend to the learning of my little ones in school.In addition, I have time to focus on my passions. I have taken time to pray more, read the Bible more, to work on the leg work for my forming non-profit org. Also, I recently was asked by some one who read my blog to submit an article for their magazine..which I did and it will be published next month.(I'll be sure to share it) And finally I have been able to work on my vocal skills and writing lyrics. How wonderful! So to the naked eye, I may appear unproductive...but actually God is preparing me for something BIG!

Television
I try not to be a couch potato. I turn off the tv several times a day. It's cleansing somehow. But when it is on...I love Desperate Housewives...like, it's appointment tv. I won't answer my phone or nothing. That's a trip huh? I kinda don't answer my phone anyway. But especially not then. And this show?? Full of debauchery?? lol. It's my guilty pleasure. I'm also feeling Commander and Chief, a woman president??? YES MA'AM!


Tommorow is Not Promised
On a sad note. I just found out about a Pastor that I have loved for years. His wife has been a mentor in my life since I was twelve. She held my hand and cried with me about the loss of my mother and I watched her fight gracefully with cancer herself. Today her seemingly healthy husband dropped dead on his daily walk. She loved him since she was a child. And he left out today, sure he'd return and now he's in glory with his Creator. My dad is taking it very hard...pray for him. Pray for the widow. We live like we are invincible. We have to learn to live life to its fill and know that ONLY what we do for Christ will last!

I Love you People.

10 comments:

TrinaBeingTrina said...

babybgirl,
I hate when you get down on yourself,which is something you do a lot. I know you had a perfect little plan but He (you know who) obviously has a different plan for you. I hate when I have to tell you that because it's like preaching to the choir. HAHA... but anyway you know the bigger the struggle the greater the reward. As far as living life to the fullest, that's why I always do what the hell I want to do!! I know better than anyone that we are not always promised tomorrow. I lost my mommy just like you lost yours, and so many others after. Keep your head up....LOVE YA

feels good b n FREE said...

@Trina...thanx for the encouragement!
I know sometimes I get frustrated with my situation...having friends like you help me to stay strong. To know that in whatever state I'm in you'll still be my girL is powerful! I'm keepin my head up!
Luv u back.

Anonymous said...

Good blog, very true and it is the truth that really allows us to enter into your world. the link that combines all of your readers and you the writer is the chord of humanity that rings with familiarity in the heart and mind of the honset person. I dont think anyone who is keeping it real can argue with the sentiment of this blog. and if they can they need to just keep on living! and see the truth unfold.

cjb

feels good b n FREE said...

@cjb
thanx! your words are insightful and inspiring to a writer. That what trancends any skill or level of education...is being able to convey in writing the human experience.

Anonymous said...

I do not know how to say this any other way..."Please don't trip". You are Doing Ya Damn Thing...And I mean that.I know it might seem to others that u are being unpreductive, but to HeLLo with them all. You love and care 4 ur Children each and every day...Making sure their homework is done right.Making sure they continue to fill their little heads with wisdom. And on top of all that your writing seems to get better with each entry... Go Head Gurl With ya Bad Self... K.I.M 143
LawSon

feels good b n FREE said...

@LAW thanx for the kind words.
you make me want to scream with frustration sometimes...ugh!
N E way...it's good that you see the good in my situation. It is a blessing that I can focus on my babies. *smiles*

Anonymous said...

Hey I like Desperate Housewives too...but I think last season was best....

And I agree tommorow isn't promised, we gotta keep that in mind.

great blog btw

feels good b n FREE said...

@ Sasha...thnx 4 commenting
and maybe the last season was better, but I didn't watch it much then. I'm enjoying it now.

smooches! and come back!!!

Chele said...

I'm not sure why anyone would call you unproductive unless they were all in your miz to begin with and misinterpreted what they think they see.

If you get to stay home and nuture your children, that's a BLESSED thing. Too many of us single moms are wrenched away from our children out of necessity and the rest of us don't care to be home with our kids. Just like you said, as frustrated as you may get sometimes, you ARE fortunate....and you're still on the grind. That's what counts.

You never fail to inspire me.

Abreu, Jorge said...

I like your post... Very thoughtful.