"I Don't Want No Scrubs"

I used to need to have a "black book," so to speak. I needed to know that there was always someone I could call...when I was lonely, when I was hungry, when I wanted to go out, when I wanted to be held...and all that.
There was something in me lacking so much that I was willing to try different dudes to fill my void. When one would piss me off or let me down, I'd call the next. I knew that there was an ideal...that I had things that I wanted in a mate, but I was so broken that I would settle for the immediate satisfaction of any ol' body.
I'm ashamed to admit it. I knew better, but putting my knowing in action was elusive at best. I suppose it took, a bunch of let downs and disappointments to get me to the point of being truly tired!
I always knew that God alone could fill my void, but how? I just didn't get it. But it happened both over a period of time and instantly. I started to become painfully aware of the issues I had with my casual male "friendships."I was not any one of their priority. Neither were they mine, but I got tired of being available to them. God began to heighten my senses and show me that I'm too valuable to spread myself thin across more than one man. Men who, weren't committed to me.
Then it clicked, it just clicked. I was no longer going to entertain these empty, and aimless "relationships." ("No! I don't want your number, No! I don't wanna give you mine, and No! I don't wanna meet you nowhere, I don't want none of your time")There was no true benefit, other than just knowing there was someone waiting in the wings. I realized that reliance on this was telling of my true strength of character.
Right now I have a few people who are "mad" at me because I clipped my availability. I've tried to explain, but I'm not heard. It's ok though, because my mind is made up.
Finally I have come to grips with a few, what a fellow blogger called,RDBs. That's relationship deal breakers. Basic things that I knew mattered but I was too flimsy to enforce.Things like keep a job, have driver license...sheesh! Let alone the big stuff like love the Lord first. Now I am firm on what I want and I understand that if I don't stand on it...I'll never be blessed with what I desire.
I occasionally talk to a guy friend or two but it's different. No dinner dates, no movies...I'm cool. Rather be chillin at home, kickin it with my girls or whatever. I'm not beat to be in e'ry club anymore tryin to break my neck to appeal to some nigros I KNOW ain't what I want anyway.
Finally a back bone, finally the gall to stand on my standards.
I'm waiting for my "Adam." When he comes, I'm not gonna be tied up with a bunch of right now "scrubs"....I'll be ready.

PS. There is a man, who came into my life for a short time. We keep in very limited contact, but I want him to know that he helped me realize what God has for me. I'll call him RoyalPoet. RP, I know that you are and were far from perfect, but you made me know that I could have all that I imagine and more in a man. Today your zeal for the Lord is contagious, I pray everyday that you gain wisdom and understanding. More that you are blessed with happiness and in ministry.Thanx for the invite and for caring. I love you.