What Women Want:Where Do The Good Guys Fit In?

This is an article I wrote for a magazine...it's copywritten (so watch it) But please read and tell me what you think!! Thanx

What Women Want: Where Do The Good Guys Fit In?


It used to be that most women would say they wanted similar things in a mate. They would mention honesty, work ethic, and love. A remnant of women would say they wanted a spiritual man. While others petitioned for a romantic, with a good sense of humor. In most cases higher levels of education and career were considered icing on the cake.
Now-a-days, women’s desires have seemingly changed. Destiny’s Child gives voice to a common urban female groaning. “I need a soldier” they chant, “he better be street if he’s looking at me.” When I first heard it, I couldn’t help but shake my thang. I was entranced by the addictive mix of bass and melody. Still I wouldn’t call it my “anthem” by far. Ah, but it seems I am in somewhat of a minority concerning this. It might blow your mind how many woman I have talked to or have heard saying, and meaning exactly the sentiments expressed in DC’s song. Then, it may not because the song personifies attitudes that many women have carried for years.

I have to admit that at one point I was, and even still occasionally am drawn to the aura of a the thug or “soldier.” According to the Destiny’s Child song a soldier, needs to dress fly, have a nice car, and street respect, know how to make money, be able to put it down in the bedroom, and not be afraid to stand up for his woman. It all sounds desirable, but there are some major factors missing. While “chiefing” is referred to in the song, the true negative side of “thug life” isn’t discussed.

The reality of the situation is that most men who live the “street” life bring more heartache than bliss. Statistically with street life comes drug use and/or trafficking, baby mamas, abuse, lying, fighting, running from the law, jail and even death. No woman I know that is wrapped up in any of these things is happy. Typically, as with DC’s song, the videos and just about everything else in life, idealism isn’t linked with reality. This is unfortunate because many young women fall into its trap and never get out.

When stripped down, what women desire is innate. That is, naturally women simply want to be loved, respected, protected, and provided for. Why then, you may ask, do so many woman crave thugs? Well, ideally guys who are considered “street” are respected, aren’t afraid and are capable of protecting, and providing for their women. Of course this isn’t to say that there aren’t still women who are just ghetto minded, and won’t be happy unless there is drama or they’re getting bust in the head. Still this type of woman is the exception and not the rule.

I have heard so many good men express frustration, because they are often overlooked. The good guys are mostly categorized as “friends” or even or viewed as a-sexual. Considering this there is no wonder why the men who have escaped street life, have gone to college, or move up in the world abandon ship.

Particularly in the black community, black men who aren’t ruffians often feel out of place. These same men many times feel more accepted by women of other ethnicities. And this to the head shaking, eye rolling, tongue sucking dismay of many black women. The only remedy here is understanding. Women must first understand what it is they truly long for and the frustration of the "good guys." Similarly, men have to understand that within every woman (whether she admits it or not) is the need to be properly loved and mostly taken care of. The good men must convey that they are not punks, will provide, can hold their own in the bedroom, and will treat their woman right.

Nothing is guaranteed but I imagine if enough of us could move our thinking forward and reach toward true understanding of the opposite sex, there just might be a revolution. Who knows maybe the next R& B hit will be, Where Da Good Guys At? (lol). . . You never know