Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Mr. 6'5..."When I See You"
Ok, so i really like this song.
It just so happens that it makes me think of...Mr. 6 foot 5,smooth bald, caramel complexion.u probably remember me writing about him. i had appoached him a while back, and he told me he was weak in some areas(we r both tryna be good Christians), so i let it go.
or so i thought.
someone asked me to invite him to something, so i called him...for that SOLE purpose, and told him i'd talk to him later. before i hung up, he stopped me to ask how i was....i told him well and got off the phone pretty quickly.
he didn't make it to the thing i invited him out to. so after the weekend passed he called me to explain why he couldn't make it.
i told him, it was no biggie and that i'd talk to him later.
he wasn't trying to let me get off the phone...that conversation ended up lasting 2hrs...within a day or two we had the chance to kick it, in a group,and later one on one. it was instant chemistry.
maybe too much so, so since, we have spoken sparingly.
first of all, we didn't have sex...
but the temptation has got me to the point of RUNNING.
i knew he was potentially dangereous.i know first hand now, so i have to pretty much
STAY AWAY, he warned me...but now i conceed.
it sux, cause i still feel like the FANTASIA song...."When I See You..."
ugh, and even when i don't see him in person, i see him when i close my eyes.
he makes me get butterflies, i feel like a little girl with a crush.
Dear, Mr 6'5,
"Your always on my mind
When you come around I'm shy
When i see you, when i see you
Never no when you might walk by
So I gotta be right on time
When i see you when i see you
I scibble X and O's in my notebook
Checking how my hair and nails look
I feel myself in the zone
I get nervous when you call
So i say im not home
I see your face when i here my Favorite song
Should i Send an email at home
Your the number 1 topic on the phone,
I wonder if you know or do you have a clue
I lay my head on my pillow
You got me staring out the window
Wish on a star for a sign
Whats the reason why Yeah..."
Friday, June 22, 2007
Her First Recital...
It just so happened that the group I sing with had been booked for months to be the "entertainment" for an event on the same day as her recital.
I was determined to do both...I just didn't have it all figured out.
I didn't wanna let my group down, as each of us is essential to the group...besides it was only our 2nd paying gig...and it paid more than the first.
my babygirl...she'd been in african dance and ballet now for several months.
i could tell she was getting bored, and that was upsetting me...because i thought she was so good at it, and i knew beyond this season i couldn't force her to keep dancing.
well she got a ride with her afro/ballet teacher to her recital, and i did my singing thing, and left in enough time that i'd only be about 20 minutes late.
well don't u know, the directions were to the wrong place. i asked everyone within 5 miles of the RIGHT place...and no one knew. Until after an hour of driving around, totally lost..unable to get any info, a man gave me the wrong directions and i said NO! that's wrong...and he said, oh you must mean this other place. ?????
well he told me how to get to the other place. i get there and yes , it's the recital.
by now...i'm devasted. no one was there 4 her, i was breaking my neck to be there...
i got out my car, perspiring, no flowers, disappointed, ready to just pick her up and take her out to make it up to her...
when i walked in, i asked the lady at the door was it over...she said the second half had just begun, i said..."did i miss the little little girls??" and she said, "no, I think they are just now doing afro"...i paid 4 the ticket and ran into a huge crowded theatre....
i saw all these brown little girls in their african tutus and head wraps dancing around....
my heart was racing...i knew it was her class, my eyes scoured the stage...until i saw...
MY BABY!!
she was shaking and dancing and twirling, dipping, and stomping....waving her little arms...
unafraid.
i squealed, "i see her!" and then covered my mouth!!
Then i couldn't do anything but weep. I just cried like...I can't even explain it.
The build up, of trying to get there, getting lost, and then believing i wouldn't see her...and i walked in the door and my baby was shaking just what i gave her to the beat of the drummers.
so i cried.
i missed her do ballet...but i am buying the tape.
i'll post pix as soon as i get them back.
ohhh...btw, she likes dance now (yippie) she understands that all the practice was for a purpose...she likes being a star!!!
and I love seeing her shine!
I was determined to do both...I just didn't have it all figured out.
I didn't wanna let my group down, as each of us is essential to the group...besides it was only our 2nd paying gig...and it paid more than the first.
my babygirl...she'd been in african dance and ballet now for several months.
i could tell she was getting bored, and that was upsetting me...because i thought she was so good at it, and i knew beyond this season i couldn't force her to keep dancing.
well she got a ride with her afro/ballet teacher to her recital, and i did my singing thing, and left in enough time that i'd only be about 20 minutes late.
well don't u know, the directions were to the wrong place. i asked everyone within 5 miles of the RIGHT place...and no one knew. Until after an hour of driving around, totally lost..unable to get any info, a man gave me the wrong directions and i said NO! that's wrong...and he said, oh you must mean this other place. ?????
well he told me how to get to the other place. i get there and yes , it's the recital.
by now...i'm devasted. no one was there 4 her, i was breaking my neck to be there...
i got out my car, perspiring, no flowers, disappointed, ready to just pick her up and take her out to make it up to her...
when i walked in, i asked the lady at the door was it over...she said the second half had just begun, i said..."did i miss the little little girls??" and she said, "no, I think they are just now doing afro"...i paid 4 the ticket and ran into a huge crowded theatre....
i saw all these brown little girls in their african tutus and head wraps dancing around....
my heart was racing...i knew it was her class, my eyes scoured the stage...until i saw...
MY BABY!!
she was shaking and dancing and twirling, dipping, and stomping....waving her little arms...
unafraid.
i squealed, "i see her!" and then covered my mouth!!
Then i couldn't do anything but weep. I just cried like...I can't even explain it.
The build up, of trying to get there, getting lost, and then believing i wouldn't see her...and i walked in the door and my baby was shaking just what i gave her to the beat of the drummers.
so i cried.
i missed her do ballet...but i am buying the tape.
i'll post pix as soon as i get them back.
ohhh...btw, she likes dance now (yippie) she understands that all the practice was for a purpose...she likes being a star!!!
and I love seeing her shine!
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
To The FATHER'S in my Life...
Hey everyone...I been missing u all so much. I have grown so, over the past years I've been blogging. It is so awesome to read back and see...where I've been, and where I'm going!
So, I used to fret over this blog...was I posting enuf? Were people reading? Who was reading??
Not now. I am just satisfied and love the opportunity to do what I love so much...write.
Ne way, Father's Day is Sunday...and I figure since my last post was in honor of my momma on mother's day...I'd go on a head and write to the daddy's in my life. So here goes...
To the FATHER of my children:
It would have been easy to skip you...to act as if you didn't exist. Yet, something inside made me acknowledge you. There is always something to complain about, but instead today, I will tell you what I am grateful for.
Thank you for giving me, 4 beautiful children. Thank you for holding my hand, and wiping my tears, and supporting me in the delivery room (every time) Thank you for helping me change so many diapers in so little years...(I calculated an it was over 7,000 diapers)
Thank you for working and contributing to the support of our children. I wish that you were more involved now, but thank you for not disappearing completely.
Thank you for loving your children, regardless of how you show it. I pray that you will become a better father as the years go on...that you will be able to help mold our sons into men..because you have discovered through Christ...what a real man is. I love you.
To my little stinky BROTHER:
So fatherhood came in with a vengence, didn't it?
Aw, but when we look at them boys...everything, every tear, every stress, every prayer...WORTH IT. But, you didn't begin being a father when cj and jay were born...
Nope! I'm writing to let you know that it is priceless, what you have meant in the lives of my children. Sometimes I worry about...are they gonna have a man to mold themselves after, then
I pause and smile to myself, cause you come to mind. Brother, you are such a WONDERFUL man! You are a man of God, you exhibit so many characteristics that I believe God for in my sons. Thank you for loving them Chris, for praying for and with them, for babysitting, for playing with them (even if it is too ruff), for going to the games, and recitals, for talking to them about school, for helping me in everyway. I thank God for you buddy!!! What would we do without you?? You are so young and already a TRUE example of what a man and especially a daddy should be. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH BRAT!
To my GRAND DADDY:
ok..I'm gonna try not to "cloud up" (cry) like you used to call it. Gdaddy, it hasn't been a year yet..that you have been gone. Altho, it will be a year next week since I last saw you alive. I miss you so much, and my grandmom misses you so much she is sick...visit her in her dreams, please. She misses you...she isn't eating, she needs you.
It makes me feel queasy thinking about the void you have left...but be sure that you also left behind an overwhelming since of love in me, that I almost can't put into words.
Seeing your casket lowered into the ground was almost too much, it took everything in me to remain standing. I miss you. Grandaddy, I need to put into writing...we all know that you didn't have to love us...the way you did. You loved me so much, you treated me like I meant so much to you...you held on to memories of me as a baby..getting on your back and "driving" you around for hours...lol. I know you were tired of me...but I loved my grandaddy. You loved me so much...you didn't want me to settle for less...you told me over and over. Including your dying wish to me...that I completely let go of that man who had me "bound." I just can't say it enough...thank you that I was good enough for you to love. Thank you for accepting me, and for your kind constructive criticisms...lol. I thank you, I will cherish you and your memory until we meet again. With my whole heart, I love you.
To my precious DADDY:
hey you!!! I bet you already know how much I love you. Probably because I tell you EVERY chance I get. You are the bomb! Dad, so many people love you (shake off the haters...lol) but really Dad...look at how many people that have come to the church since you have been pastor. It's amazing, people call the church just to seek your counsel, to cry on your shoulder, to ask for help in their time of need. You deliver the word...just as captivating, and proficient as any of this world's greatest orators. You have a sweet, giving, helpful, compassionate, and forgiving spirit. You dress well (mommy had something to do with that..lol) you always smell good, your teeth are perfect (haha..they better be) You are just like a big ol' chocolate covered gift from above. To everyone in your life....
Still to me, an adult, a mother...you are just my daddy. And I wouldn't have it any other way...if I could handpick a dad, hands down..It would be you.
You love me, you support me (in all my endeavors), you stand with me against the enemy, you are always there to listen, to pass off money...lol, to pray, to cry on.
Thank you for never being too busy...I know how hectic it gets. You make me so proud. I just want you to know that...I am PROUD that you are my daddy...and I will shout it from the mountain tops!!! I adore you dad!
To the FATHER of MY SOUL:
Father God...you alone are the Father of my soul. Thank you for loving me enough to send your SON. Thank you for loving me so much, that you sent me physical representations of you in my daddy, and grandfathers. Thank you for loving me...even though you know EVERYTHING about me. The things that I am ashamed of, the ugly things, the bad attitudes, my deliberate rebelliousness, despite all that, you LOVE me. WOW. Thank you for moving in my life, thank you for your promises...thank you that you are not slack concerning your promises.
Thank you that you have my steps ordered. Thank you even for the hardship, the heartache, the lessons learned from bad decision making, for the tear, the questions, the stretching...but no more ok??? Just kidding, although I hate hardship and trouble...I understand that you have purpose in all of it. Thank you God for being way more committed to me, than I am to you.
Thank you for developing me, forgiving me, for having mercy on me, but mostly, like I said...just for loving me!!! I worship, praise, and LOVE you LORD!!
So, I used to fret over this blog...was I posting enuf? Were people reading? Who was reading??
Not now. I am just satisfied and love the opportunity to do what I love so much...write.
Ne way, Father's Day is Sunday...and I figure since my last post was in honor of my momma on mother's day...I'd go on a head and write to the daddy's in my life. So here goes...
To the FATHER of my children:
It would have been easy to skip you...to act as if you didn't exist. Yet, something inside made me acknowledge you. There is always something to complain about, but instead today, I will tell you what I am grateful for.
Thank you for giving me, 4 beautiful children. Thank you for holding my hand, and wiping my tears, and supporting me in the delivery room (every time) Thank you for helping me change so many diapers in so little years...(I calculated an it was over 7,000 diapers)
Thank you for working and contributing to the support of our children. I wish that you were more involved now, but thank you for not disappearing completely.
Thank you for loving your children, regardless of how you show it. I pray that you will become a better father as the years go on...that you will be able to help mold our sons into men..because you have discovered through Christ...what a real man is. I love you.
To my little stinky BROTHER:
So fatherhood came in with a vengence, didn't it?
Aw, but when we look at them boys...everything, every tear, every stress, every prayer...WORTH IT. But, you didn't begin being a father when cj and jay were born...
Nope! I'm writing to let you know that it is priceless, what you have meant in the lives of my children. Sometimes I worry about...are they gonna have a man to mold themselves after, then
I pause and smile to myself, cause you come to mind. Brother, you are such a WONDERFUL man! You are a man of God, you exhibit so many characteristics that I believe God for in my sons. Thank you for loving them Chris, for praying for and with them, for babysitting, for playing with them (even if it is too ruff), for going to the games, and recitals, for talking to them about school, for helping me in everyway. I thank God for you buddy!!! What would we do without you?? You are so young and already a TRUE example of what a man and especially a daddy should be. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH BRAT!
To my GRAND DADDY:
ok..I'm gonna try not to "cloud up" (cry) like you used to call it. Gdaddy, it hasn't been a year yet..that you have been gone. Altho, it will be a year next week since I last saw you alive. I miss you so much, and my grandmom misses you so much she is sick...visit her in her dreams, please. She misses you...she isn't eating, she needs you.
It makes me feel queasy thinking about the void you have left...but be sure that you also left behind an overwhelming since of love in me, that I almost can't put into words.
Seeing your casket lowered into the ground was almost too much, it took everything in me to remain standing. I miss you. Grandaddy, I need to put into writing...we all know that you didn't have to love us...the way you did. You loved me so much, you treated me like I meant so much to you...you held on to memories of me as a baby..getting on your back and "driving" you around for hours...lol. I know you were tired of me...but I loved my grandaddy. You loved me so much...you didn't want me to settle for less...you told me over and over. Including your dying wish to me...that I completely let go of that man who had me "bound." I just can't say it enough...thank you that I was good enough for you to love. Thank you for accepting me, and for your kind constructive criticisms...lol. I thank you, I will cherish you and your memory until we meet again. With my whole heart, I love you.
To my precious DADDY:
hey you!!! I bet you already know how much I love you. Probably because I tell you EVERY chance I get. You are the bomb! Dad, so many people love you (shake off the haters...lol) but really Dad...look at how many people that have come to the church since you have been pastor. It's amazing, people call the church just to seek your counsel, to cry on your shoulder, to ask for help in their time of need. You deliver the word...just as captivating, and proficient as any of this world's greatest orators. You have a sweet, giving, helpful, compassionate, and forgiving spirit. You dress well (mommy had something to do with that..lol) you always smell good, your teeth are perfect (haha..they better be) You are just like a big ol' chocolate covered gift from above. To everyone in your life....
Still to me, an adult, a mother...you are just my daddy. And I wouldn't have it any other way...if I could handpick a dad, hands down..It would be you.
You love me, you support me (in all my endeavors), you stand with me against the enemy, you are always there to listen, to pass off money...lol, to pray, to cry on.
Thank you for never being too busy...I know how hectic it gets. You make me so proud. I just want you to know that...I am PROUD that you are my daddy...and I will shout it from the mountain tops!!! I adore you dad!
To the FATHER of MY SOUL:
Father God...you alone are the Father of my soul. Thank you for loving me enough to send your SON. Thank you for loving me so much, that you sent me physical representations of you in my daddy, and grandfathers. Thank you for loving me...even though you know EVERYTHING about me. The things that I am ashamed of, the ugly things, the bad attitudes, my deliberate rebelliousness, despite all that, you LOVE me. WOW. Thank you for moving in my life, thank you for your promises...thank you that you are not slack concerning your promises.
Thank you that you have my steps ordered. Thank you even for the hardship, the heartache, the lessons learned from bad decision making, for the tear, the questions, the stretching...but no more ok??? Just kidding, although I hate hardship and trouble...I understand that you have purpose in all of it. Thank you God for being way more committed to me, than I am to you.
Thank you for developing me, forgiving me, for having mercy on me, but mostly, like I said...just for loving me!!! I worship, praise, and LOVE you LORD!!
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