Silence,Surfing,Shopping, RUBEN STUDDARD, Love, Life and Holiday Cheer!

Hey everyone...
it's been a while, and I've actually found myself lamenting about the decline of fun posts
that I've written. Perhaps lately it's been a case of "if you don't have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all."
So I've been surprisingly silent. In lots of places in my life. I generally write in my prayer journal too...but lately the pages have gone blank. I still pray, but my quiet writing time...
I suppose things have come to a grinding halt in my life and now I'm just riding a wave. So you know as you ride, you're so busy holding on for dear life, that you have no time to do anything else. That's where I'm at.
Timing on moving into my house has been delayed...and that alone is frustrating, but we didn't have a place to be in the interim...but God is still good, because He gave me an idea and it worked for now. Prayerfully everything will work out so that we are in my place in the next few days.
I'm over crying...I've done plenty of that. So now like I said, I'm just holding on.
I took the kids to see Santa...that was my actual FIRST indulgence in the holiday season.
I also bought myself a few clothes...not because I can just do that, but because I needed it so badly.
I lost a lot of clothes and shoes and other things...because of a horrible situation, and that had me devastated. Still my dad encouraged me that it was ok, because it just made room for new and better things. :) So I went to NY & Co and got some nice things because they were having a 50% off sale. OFF OF EVERYTHING. I asked the sales person if there was some kind of hitch, did I have to spend a certain amount first?? She just laughed and said EVERYTHING was 50% off. WOW. So, I got some things I needed. :) That made me smile.
I haven't dated, or even been able to keep up with anyone of the opposite sex. I don't care usually, but I think this time of the year makes me miss being held. The warmth and comfort of just having someone there. Going through all the struggles of life with someone else, helps.
Ah, but no time for fantasizing. lol.

Well..one more fantasy, I dreamed last night about Ruben Studdard. Our wedding, what I'd wear, Who would come, What he'd say...and how I'd cry. (lol) I remembered I couldn't just send my family invitations, cause SOMEONE would sell the info to the paparazzi...lmbo.
So we'd have to put them on a bus to a "secret location"....hehehe.
This is a how a sista gets by when life is rough :)
I am serious tho about getting a chance to date Ruben...because I believe that if we could have a date...the rest would be history. :) So I'm thinking about doing an experiment like the movie "My Date With Drew" 'cept it'll be "My Date with Ruben!"
hmmm...
ya'll think I'm playing.

On another note, I hate having to split my kids on the holiday. I hate it...I wish my ex-husband woulda just been a husband. I wish we coulda just been a family...I wish He didn't lie so much, and think He could just push me around and manipulate me. I wish He loved me. I wish He knew what LOVE is. I wish I wasn't so naive and needy for His affection in the first place...He was my high school sweetheart, and I believed everything He said, I loved him sooo much.
Remember my post about there being two sides to me??
Well the rational and adult side of me is HAPPY that it's over. Happy I don't have to deal with the abuse, the pathological lying, the drugs, the confusion, the bad company that he kept...
his mom (which is a WHOLE 'notha post)....I'm happy to be free from that bondage.
Then the little girl still loves him and just wants him to be near.
But...life goes on. I told him that he can have the kids over night Christmas Eve, but to bring them to me Christmas morning. I'm worried that He will keep me waiting. Maybe I should go get them. Christmas day is the most important day for me to be with my kids...
What would you do??

Regardless, I'm happy to be alive and to be healthy and to have my children. That's a blessing in it self. I found out that one of my best friends may have cancer. I don't really accept that report. She will be going to see the cancer doctor soon and I will try to go with her. I love her and she is only 27...she had cancer before, but they gave her a hysterectomy and it was removed. I'm just praying that it is NOT a cancerous tumor. Then this morning I got news that one of the young girls I mentor has been in the hospital for several days, because they believe she is having heart problems. She is only about 15...
So there are other things in life that matter way more than the trivial things that I sometimes think I'm gonna die without. I am grateful for the reminders and prayerful that these people close to me and all the people "sick" over the holidays would find healing and peace.

WHEW...I got it all out. (lol)
HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE!!!