Dear Mommy

I've been trying to get to you for the last coupla hours and finally the day is calm enough that I can sit down and write a letter to you. Today is Mother's Day and well for the last coupla days you've been especially on my mind. It's not that I don't think of you everyday, and it's not that this holiday is my sole reminder...It's just that as I watch people buy things for their moms, the mall filled with last minute shoppers, and folx taking thier moms to eat or to the spa,
I long for you.
I could spend the time I have here to catch you up on all that's gone on in these past years...
but I won't do that.
Rather I'll just let you know what I would say to you if you were here...
Mommy, I miss being able to pick up the phone and tell you all about my problems, who I had a crush on and who broke my heart. I wanna talk to you about the moves I'm making in my life and if I'm being the best mom that I can be.
More than that mommy, I just wanna take you out. Sit in my car for a change...take a load off, let me drive. What do you wanna do? You know shopping is right up my alley...how bout some new shoes? Shoes For Her was our stop...wanna check in there? Or what about some figurines, I haven't bought any since, whew, it's been quite a while. But I've held on to "the beast" and the little egyptian girl u bought me at that show we went to.
I miss you so much...
I never got a chance to buy you that "just my size" bra...lol...we laughed about it, but I was really gonna get it. :)
And I know I promised you that I'd polish your toes, but I'll just take you to the spa and let them handle my light work...they'll do it much better anyway.
I miss lying in the bed with you and having our girl talks...letting our tears fall on our pillows.
I miss that.
You were right about LaMar...and real estate school and so much else. I just wanna tell you...mom you were right! I know you wouldn't say "I told you so" but I'd give anything to hear you say those words to me.
I went in a store today...a store that you loved. I almost gasped when I walked in...the tears wanted to flow, but I held them back. I saw something.
I thought that if you were here I'd buy it for you. I knew you'd have loved it...mommy it was a beautiful shadow box frame that had this collage in it about mother's. I decided to buy it anyway and to have it engraved with your name on it...Happy Mother's Day.

I get angry sometimes, because I'll never hold u again...look down on ur head or make jokes with you. No more pictures of us...no more chatter about this and that. No more heart to hearts...
Who'll ever love me like that?
I think I've searched...in friendships and beyond.
Hoping to feel just a touch of what u gave me.
But what you left me with was a true understanding of what love is...that's why I can't settle for less for very long. Most importantly, you taught me that when no one else was there...JESUS.
I have never forgotten and He has brought me through.
I know I won't ever touch you here on this earth again...but just know that I thank God for you...that indeed I rise up and call you BLESSED and I wish that you were here so that I could tell you face to face.
I miss you, I love you...can't wait to see you again.

Chandra