Dear Mommy,
It's been a while since we last spoke. Nine years to be exact. Things have changed here, I have grown up. Still what hasn't changed is my love for you. That urging that all children have inside wanting mommy. Mommy I'm 25 and I still have times that I cry out for you. When I was little I thought for sure I would've outgrown such antics. Perhaps it's because I was still a little girl when you left. Maybe deep inside I'm still a fifteen year old girl who wants her mommy.Maybe.
I think what hurts most now is not just that you missed my babies being born, it's that I can't go shopping with you. We used to have so much fun. I can't laugh with you anymore, can't share my secrets, hurts, fears. I can't show you what kind of woman I've become. We can't take trips to Shoes For Her, and you can't train me in Real Estate. I can't make fun of how tiny you are and I don't get to hear you tell me I'm a "brick-shit-house" lol.
If I could have you back, just for a day...I'd fill you in on everything, I'd cry and laugh with you, we'd go to eat at a cafe like we did 10 years ago, I'd take YOU shopping, I'd ask your advice, I'd lay in your arms and savor every moment. I'd never let you go.
I know that can never be, but I am so grateful for the years. Grateful for the example you were, grateful for the love, the laughs, the memories. Happy God chose you to be mine! I'd have it no other way, even if I knew you'd have to leave too soon. There just aren't enough words Mommy.
So I'll close with a quote...
"These words are my own, From my heart flow.
I love you, I love you, I love you!" Natasha Bedingfield
Forever, Chan
*In loving memory of my mommy Pamela Betner taken at age 39
on August 19, 1996 by Hodgkins Disease Cancer
Friday, September 23, 2005
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4 comments:
What a beautiful post!! I would offer you my arms if I could... even though I know they wouldn't feel the same, or provide the comfort you seek. Big cyber hugs to you nonetheless. I'm sure you've made your mother proud.
Hi girl it's Danielle just reading ur blog and came to the part about ur mother and felt every thing that you said and would love to just see her one more time and the only way i would have a kid if they could met my beautiful mother.I think it would be piontless if i had one and they had to come into this cruel world and never have met Denise.
@ rachel...thank u for ur arms, so sweet! And I hope I make my momma proud!
@latinchik...more arms and friendship...precious!
@Dan...i think our hearts are joined because we know what it is to lose the most important woman in our lives. you are such a beautiful woman, i know your mom is so proud of you and your siblings...i'm tryna make mine proud to. i luv u so much girl!
I am exploring here. Lot of colour galore!
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