At least that's what he says. I'm just realizing that thinking somebody loves you, even if you don't "love them back" is enough to mess you up. I don't have the desire to be back with him. However somehow recently I've been hearing him tell me he loves me and asking me "hypothetically speaking" what would have to happen for us to get back together. Most times I don't answer those kind of questions, because he and I both know that even "hypothetically" we can't change the things that have occurred, nor the long term repercussions.
Still, with all this knowledge...I recently was so aggravated when he nonchalantly told me about some chick he's talking to. Why? This from a woman who KNOWS that he has been with a bunch of chix since our separation. In general, it doesn't bother me when I think of it. I don't feel jealous.
I used to think that I never wanted him to be happy tho. He hurt me. Recently however, I realized that I had to let go of that too. I believe my aggravation wasn't really about the girl per se'. It was about his constant banter about loving me, about never loving anyone like me, about wanting to be with me again that rang in my head when he dismissively brought her up. I'm over it now, but it's a valuable lesson.
Folx, if it's over...let it be over. Don't go revisiting the past. Move on.
My steps have already been ordered. Sometimes I forget....I just needed some reminding.
What really matters
I was in the middle of doing something this morning and my 3 year old son came up to me trying to kiss on me. I kinda ignored it, because even tho I usually am slobberin' all over him, when he returns the favor I can pretty much bet that he wants something. So he walks away and I start hearing clinging and clanging in the kitchen. So I commence to hollerin' asking what is going on in there. My oldest and my baby come out of the kitchen lookin at me with the i'm- caught-but-ain't-i-cute look. I just tell them to get out the kitchen. My baby slowly walks over to me and whispers in my ear..."I jus wanna make bre-fas for you." I just looked over at him and said "YOU'RE A BABY!" he walked away, dragging his little feet.
I thought about that and smiled to myself.
Sometimes we get so caught up in being mommy, (or daddy) and/or focusing on life, stress, and carrying on that we lose focus on what is important. Surely my baby couldn't have made me breakfast, but that was an opportunity that I coulda stood him on a chair in the kitchen and let him "think" he was doing something. This is a microcosm of life.
I hate to always be the serious, emotion driven blogger I am, but aw, well! I got an email today and in it a woman who has been a surrogate mom/auntie to me was telling me she was recently devastated by the loss of her sister. In the same email, she was apologizing to me about how things in my life weren't going exactly as (I) planned. The guilt hit me! I had been complainin about some stuff that, in the big scheme of things, doesn't matter. She and my new buddy Bobby Brown, have been reminders to me. Life is short and the phrase, tomorrow is not promised is not a cliche' by any stretch of the imagination...ask 'Trina's victims.
I'm happy the sun is shining today. Both literally and proverbially. I'm gonna run now, me and my baby got some "bre-fas" to cook. . .
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
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12 comments:
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Williams, an Alabama native revered as the "godfather of country music," is believed to have died in his sleep on that road on New Years Day 1953 while being driven to an appearance.
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u gotta be kiddin me anonymous...spammers beat it!!
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Sorry to my fellow bloggers, but ya'll understand
I want something to eat too. Girl I'm starvin. Anyway tell ya ex the next time you talk to him..."Nicca you better still love me, I bring happiness and sunshine to peoples lives." And then with two fingers pointed into the reciever of the phone say "Until you do right by me, everything you think about gon fail."
IM GOING THROUGHT THAT RIGHT NOW I KNOW DA FEELING
That is so cute (about your son, not about the ex). I am very guilty of revisiting the past on occasions, but I always learn my lesson in the end.
Interesting about the ex. That hypothetical what if is probably feeding his ego though. Are you sure there isn't a change for the two of you? He's asking questions like he thinks there is :)
Two heavy hitters in the same post. Some people are hillarious, some are scatter-brained, and some are serious minded. It would suck if everyone were the same. Just keep doing you.
About your ex? They never miss the water till they hit their head on the bottom of the well.
CTHU @ Hev
You sposta BLESS those who try to get under your skin
@ missy...i guess we all been there huh?
@hev...why u soo stoopid? lol
@nia...thanx.funny about the revisiting the past thing..i read ur post. :)
@princess...thanx for coming by, and yeah I'm sure we're through.
I care about him, but nothing more. (smile)
@chele...hey gurl, thanx 4 tha encouragement! i'm a do me...and no curses...lol
Be careful when you are revisiting the past. Moving forward is usually best.
so glad your little one wants to fix mommy bre-fas
Missed this Blog entry...Mad about that..Neway...Yeah I still love u...How could I not?You showed me what love is.You showed me how to love.I will never love someone as much as I love u.No matter what. Its true that u never miss something until it's gone. And thats what I deal with ERR DAY. No other women can ever Love me like you used to love me. But I made me bed. But I will always love u.And I will always tell u i love u. May be one day we ...
Ps: Shot Out to JUSPOOH...nicca speking sense
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Sincerely,
Matt
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