A Letter to My Mother

Mom,

Today is Mother's Day and well for the last coupla days you've been especially on my mind. It's not that I don't think of you everyday, and it's not that this holiday is my sole reminder...It's just that as I watch people buy things for their moms, the mall filled with last minute shoppers, and folx taking thier moms to eat or to the spa, I long for you.I could spend the time I have here to catch you up on all that's gone on in these past years...but I won't do that.

Rather I'll just let you know what I would say to you if you were here...Mommy, I miss being able to pick up the phone and tell you all about my problems, who I had a crush on and who broke my heart. I wanna talk to you about the moves I'm making in my life and if I'm being the best mom that I can be.

More than that mommy, I just wanna take you out. Sit in my car for a change...take a load off, let me drive. What do you wanna do? You know shopping is right up my alley...how bout some new shoes? Shoes For Her was our stop...wanna check in there? Or what about some figurines, I haven't bought any since, whew, it's been quite a while. But I've held on to "the beast" and the little egyptian girl u bought me at that show we went to.I miss you so much...I never got a chance to buy you that "just my size" bra...lol...we laughed about it, but I was really gonna get it. :)And I know I promised you that I'd polish your toes, but I'll just take you to the spa and let them handle my light work...they'll do it much better anyway.I miss lying in the bed with you and having our girl talks...letting our tears fall on our pillows. I miss that.

You were right about LaMar...and real estate school and so much else. I just wanna tell you...mom you were right! I know you wouldn't say "I told you so" but I'd give anything to hear you say those words to me.I went in a store today...a store that you loved. I almost gasped when I walked in...the tears wanted to flow, but I held them back. I saw something.I thought that if you were here I'd buy it for you. I knew you'd have loved it...mommy it was a beautiful shadow box frame that had this collage in it about mother's. I decided to buy it anyway and to have it engraved with your name on it...Happy Mother's Day.I get angry sometimes, because I'll never hold u again...look down on ur head or make jokes with you.

No more pictures of us...no more chatter about this and that. No more heart to hearts...Who'll ever love me like that?I think I've searched...in friendships and beyond.Hoping to feel just a touch of what u gave me.But what you left me with was a true understanding of what love is...that's why I can't settle for less for very long.

Most importantly, you taught me that when no one else was there...JESUS.I have never forgotten and He has brought me through.I know I won't ever touch you here on this earth again...but just know that I thank God for you...that indeed I rise up and call you BLESSED and I wish that you were here so that I could tell you face to face.I miss you, I love you...can't wait to see you again.

Chandra

Whew!

Yes, it's been a minute since I've come through here.
You know me, lots going on, very busy...all that good stuff.
Let's see, about the guy in my last post. We are still cool. I'm not really interested anymore, maybe he senses that...He's been extra friendly, even offering to buy me
a belt that I told him I liked.But that's kool. I'm good.

So back to the drawing board once again.
I'm just living, trying to maintain focus and love my kiddies, and all that good stuff.
I called Trina this morning, risking waking her up after a long night at work (grr) but she was just getting in.Whew! lol. I called because, I need a pedicure so bad that if my feet scratch my leg one more time I think I'ma lose my mind. HA!
So I wanted to try to get her to go with me.We decided to wait until Thursday...I'm gonna try to survive until then.

Oh, I took the kids to see Spidey 3 yesterday. I LOVED it!!!
Wow, it wasn't exactly what I expected with the black spidey and all..but better.
So go see it. :)It was great.
I spoke to my sister-in-law...well ex sister-in-law, I suppose, yesterday. I told her I was dating my kids..lol. It's so true, and fun...for the most part. But I tried to go shopping with them. NO!!! I can't do it.They drove me crazy.
But I stopped by my one of my FAV stores..Marshalls.
I saw these guess shoes, I picked them up, tried them on, wanted them.
I told myself that I'd walk around and come back and get them.
WHAT WAS I THINKING?????? I swear someone was watching me,cause
when I went back to get them...they were....GONE???!!? No more in my size.

So I sighed, and just said to myself...it was God's will, and kept the money in my pockets.
humph!Oh well...whoever the heifer is she ain't gon' wear them like I woulda. :) Just kiddin...
no I ain't, who am I foolin?

So today, I'm gonna try to get some gardening done out front. Well I have to pull up the weeds. So I'll do that, and just get somethings in order here. Tommorow I'm taking a client to see a house that she is interested in. I think that she'll like it. :) Let's pray this is the one!!
:)

Let me run, i just wanted to check back in with you...and babble a little.
Miss all u blogspot people. I'll b back soon.
Stop by my mspace too www.myspace.com/chanichew