I'm so glad...

that altho I've been thru a whole lot (as most people have) that I'm not so bitter that I'm ruined. you know??
I have run into some down right bitter, angry, unreceptive people. And it's just sad.
I want to be like that Maya Angelou poem "still I rise."
You know?
Like...yes, I've endured and am even eduring still...but "like air, I rise."
that's what I want...but not just for me.
I have loved ones, that have held on to hurt for so long that they can't love...they can't recieve love. I try with all my might to not let that be me.
I want to be as close to a clean slate as possible with every new friendship and relationship.
We all have issues, I have mine and I know you have yours...but it's what we do with those issues...if we let them turn us into victims or if like Faith's song"Again" we take our bag of issues and thank God for them and say that if it weren't for all that stuff that life has thrown in my bag, I wouldn't be the worthwhile person I've become.
And it's just that decision, whether to live in that bag of issues or to own it, that determines what caliber of person we are and will be.
Bitterness and resentment are killers. Literally.
I have some hurts that I have chosen to let go, some folx I've chosen to forgive, and a life that I've chosen to live to the fullest, I have little ones looking at me...I want them to learn LOVE, ENDURANCE, PEACE, and JOY...
I want the same for you.
((hugz))

Here's a biblical perspective:
Overcoming Bitterness and Resentment

By CBN.comCBN.com –

When you are offended or disappointed by others and allow the hurt to germinate in your heart, bitterness and resentment will take root. Characterized by an unforgiving spirit and generally negative, critical attitudes, bitterness and resentment are sinful and self-defeating. They will color your conscious and unconscious thoughts and actions. Allowed to fester, they will destroy and kill (Galatians 5:19-21). However, they can be dispelled with love.

What Scripture Says
"Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many" (Hebrews 12:14,15).
"Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you" (Ephesians 4:31,32).
"When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly" (I Peter 2:23).
"Jesus said, Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing..." (Luke 23:34).
"For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins" (Matthew 6:14,15).
"Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited. Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: 'It is mine to avenge; I will repay,' says the Lord. On the contrary: 'If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.' Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good" (Romans 12:14-21).

How To Be Free From Bitterness and Resentment
Life depression and other emotional stress, bitterness and resentment can aggravate or cause physical problems such as arthritis. You can be affected mentally, spiritually and otherwise. Your relationships will always suffer.

God can free you from this sin. It is an oppressive and destructive emotion having its root in hate, which is likened to murder. You must repent. No one can have peace and happiness with such emotions tearing at him. If you have not done so, ask God to forgive you and to come into your life right now. He will deliver you from the power of the enemy (Psalm 91:3).
If you are already a Christian, you should still ask God to forgive you for being bitter and resentful. Then ask Him to forgive anyone who may have hurt you, and toward whom you are bitter or resentful, even as He forgives you.

Look for opportunities to demonstrate love to the person who offended you.
God forgives and forgets sin. However, you may have made your best effort to forgive and forget and find that you cannot. God can help you to cleanse your memory. Instead of remembering with malice and hurt, remember with forgiveness. Then go one step further and ask God to forgive your offender. By forgiving and then asking God to forgive your offender, you release God to bless you and the other person. As You Pray
Pray in this manner:

Father, I acknowledge that I've held resentment and bitterness against _______________. I confess this as sin and ask you to forgive me. I forgive __________________. Remind me, Lord, to not hold any more resentments, but rather to love this person. Father, I ask you to also forgive ______________________.
Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. In Jesus' name, Amen.

If you prayed that prayer, please send us an e-mail to let us know. Or you can call our National Counseling Center at (800) 759-0700. We would love to talk with you and send you some literature to help you continue in your walk with the Lord.

unfinished product

i wrote this poem a few months back.. i never finished it... i wasn't pleased with it... what do u think?? (sometimes unfinished is best..i dunno)

i guess i'm a romantic
but what is romance
but sumthing i seen on a movie?

cause i got a LOVE JONES
that just won't go away
and tho i try to hide it
it's back BEFORE SUNSET.

and i CAN'T HARDLY WAIT
to hear the sweet lyrics
from your BEAUTIFUL MIND.
and baby ever since you left
my REALITY BITES.

so i'm kinda
WAITING TO EXHALE
hoping deep down
that you'll RETURN TO ME.

they keep saying i should give this up...
but they NEVER BEEN KISSED by you.
and people can SAY ANYTHING they want to

i know it's cause they don't know
how a LOVE JONES can be, like...
WHILE YOU WERE SLEEPING
i was dreaming about you

and there was that day u took my breath away...
but i'm STILL BREATHING
and with every breath i breathe hope
of our TRUE LOVE come to....

Life stuff

So the gospel cafe @ my church just passed...and it was beautiful. I mean, it was just like I imagined...well almost anyway. but we had a great time and it gave us a visual for the things to come. i was able to do a few numbers on the M-I-C. (lol) My brother did a few of his spoken word poems, and like always...they amazed me. He is so talented. I got to hear a few other people get free with their talents that we didn't know they had...and that was hott.The next one is March 9th...and I'm excited about that too. God is a good God and I love that He doesn't stay in a box...He allows us to lift Him up in so many different wayz.
On another note...I met this man a few days back. As soon as I walked in the building I spotted him...more than likely it was his stature tho. He was very tall...maybe 6' 5"...probably about 300lbs. Caramel complexion...seemed quiet enough. Without ever directly acknowleding one another, we were both very aware of each other. Turns out he's a friend of mines brother. hmmm..
He's single, 30 something, and saved. He writes music and sings like...some kind of angel. My instinct is to think about it a little more... to flirt and all that kind of thing. Oh let me back track a little...After our first encounter, we saw each other 3 additional times, the second time we sat down and talked for about 10 minutes and then the last we hugged and kept it moving. I know he knows I'm feeling him. I feel the need to let it go, to notice him...but not try to make him mine. ya dig?
If this was 2006...(lol) I'd definitely try to pursue him, but I'm feeling more like I need to just fall back and if say, God has him in mind for me...He'll come after me. I know that's the thing to do...but to pull back and refocus on other things is sometimes difficult...especially cause when he comes around...I tend to get distracted. Oh and I sense a bit of interest from him too...He initiated all of our conversations, told me he has a song he wants me to sing, plays with my kids, and said that he would come to my groups rehearsals on the weekend even tho he is committed to being elsewhere. :)
But anyway...I'm calming myself down. I tend to jump the gun a bit. I told u b4, it's kool being single. I used to wait for my phone to ring. Now I'm so trife...I screen EVERY phone call...and got the nerve to get an attitude if my phone rings too much...or too little. (so silly)
I had been talkin to a local "celebrity" also. I actually contacted him...just in a joking kinda way. My email was titled "you might as well marry me." lol. well wouldn't u know, it must have amused him...because we have been going back and forth since..and that was a few months back. He actually read my email on the "air" lmbo. who'da thunk it? We had emailed back and forth several times. I was getting tired of the cat and mouse and left him my number 2x and ultimately said 4get it. So he called me the last 2 weekends in a row. We spoke 2x and had a decent convo.
I didn't know what to make of it. He does a show in philly and chicago. I know women come at him all the time and that originally had me to the point of "nevermind, I don't care." But then he called me...I guess it's not a big deal. He said that we should go to a "show" next weekend. I don't know what to do. I definitely am not interested in being one of his groupies...but I don't wanna just cut off my nose to spite my face. I mean, how do I even know that he's really interested?
That's why I'ma just let it be. Que sera' sera'...because that's where my trust in God comes into play. ya know? If I believe that He's got all this under control, and that He will order my steps...ain't no need in my trying to manipulate anything. (and manipulation is definitely in my nature...just being real)
I'ma let go and let God and see what's the end gon' be...lol (i'm so church-a-fied) lol.