i got home from california last night.
i had the opportunity to say "goodbye" to my grand daddy.
(remember the one who was paying my cell bill)
i thought that i was going to be ok. i thought i was not gonna take it so hard. well i was wrong.
my heart was and is just broken. the moment i walked in the house, i saw pictures of my granddaddy on the counter. the fam had to decide which to use on the program...
i was trying to get something to eat and all of a sudden my hunger subsided and my eyes filled up...
i had to run outside so my gramma didn't see me cry.
then at the wake, i snuck in ahead of the family because i didn't wanna fall out in front of everyone when i saw his body in the casket.
i stood in the back and saw his profile in the casket and felt like someone punched me in my stomach....
that's only a small portion of what my last 4 days were like. but he was buried in the National Cemetery. They let us stand and watch as they lowered his casket into a vault, and then the vault in the ground...
i kept saying, "That's it...that's it."
the finality is unbelievable....i just had a few more things i needed to say to him.
i just wanted to stand at his coffin and keep rubbing his chest longer than i did and never leaving.
i wasn't ready to say goodbye for the LAST time, i wasn't ready for the casket to close, i wasn't ready to see him the LAST time...i wasn't ready to watch his remains disappear into the earth...
fam, i just wasn't ready.
i'm still not. but it's over.
i'm so glad that i believe that i will see my grand daddy again in heaven...so our goodbye is not final. but never the less...saying good bye to someone i love so much, is the worst thing i've ever experienced.
*the pic is my grand daddy and mommy
Atom Feed (xml)
4 comments:
I'm happy that you are home. I'm really happy that you had the chance to make it out there to be with the family. I hope you took the advice I gave you when we spoke. It's no reason to try and be so strong for other people that you ignore your own grief.
Anyway I know you hated to leave that beautiful Cali. weather :-) But seriously I'm sure the kids are happy that you are home so just concentrate on them. Call me when you get a chance. Luv ya.
Glad you had the opportunity to say good bye I didn't have that...wish I could have hugged him one more time, told him I loved him one more time...I know how you feel.
But knowing that you have an angel protecting you each day...makes a lil easier to deal with...you are blessed beyond measure girl...
sweet picture
Handsome man.
Post a Comment