Gone too soon

what else is there to say

Delight yourself...

So I guess life is a journey of learning...perhaps gaining and maturing
I think we all get very focused on achieving something, whatever that might be.
Whether its education, money, fame, a significant other...there is always something.

I am guilty. I am always moving toward the next thing.
Don't get me wrong, I don't think there is anything completely wrong with it either.
It's just that sometimes we get so caught up in chasing stuff that we lose sense of what really matters.

Maybe this is in the forefront of my mind as a result of recent deaths in my church family, or maybe because of my "break-up." Or somehow both.

Feeling lonely, or feeling some sort of emptiness often drives us to pursue things with so much fervor...and at least when it comes to dating, it can cause us to be so desperate that we'll accept anything.

I been thinking a lot and listening out for God and today I heard, "Delight yourself in the Lord...and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4

I needed to be reminded that it isn't all about chasing down things or people or even prestige or title. But it is about remembering that I and each of us were born with a purpose...a purpose to bring glory to God...and to worship Him. When we walk in our purpose...God promises us the desires of our heart!! I needed to hear that, and I figured I'd share it with you.

Most of us...don't believe that we have this specific purpose. We are sure our purpose is to satisfy "us-own selves" and to bring glory and things to us, while we are here. And then wonder why we our souls are unhappy...never quenched. We are always in pursuit, when tomorrow isn't promised.

And even if we gain it all...what profits a man or woman to gain everything...but lose his/her soul?? Nothing.

So that is why we must seek first the LORD, and Delight ourselves in Him; everything else will follow.

That is what I aim to do.

romance?? not so much

so the latest news is that i am fresh out of a 2.5year relationship. its ending straight blind-sided me. and yet as sad as i am, i'm okay. i suppose it was my decision. he started talking about marriage alot...and i think it scared him. i wasn't forcing this conversation what so ever.it started with him calling me imploring me to see the movie "fire proof your marriage." then him telling me that everytime he hears people talking about marriage and their wives...he thinks of me.
then seemingly out of no where, he told me that he needed to step back and evaluate his feelings and motives toward me to make sure they are pure.
(he says because of his history as a "knuckle head" and of using women, i should see the sincerity behind him wanting to be sure)---and i do,

however, i heard that...and heard something else. i felt as if i had been betrayed.
why? because i didn't want this relationship and he spent an entire year convincing me of his certainty that i was the one and that he was gonna show me...and i finally believed him, against my better judgment and then he decided he needed to step back...to assess.
he told me i was over reacting. am i?

i don't have time for re-evaluation, after all this time. so i decided to fall back, majorly. including not taking his calls. i think we've exchanged 3 emails in the last month. the straw tho, no matter how petty...was seeing a comment on his myspace page. some girl, saying "see you saturday sexy." lol. that was my epiphany moment.

so i think i cried for a total of 10 minutes...and like i said i'm sad. but okay. back to square one.
God has to intervene here...cause i give up.