I'm trying

I work hard..to be a woman of character, and a good mother.

I work hard at it..not because I want someone to give me accolades but because I want to please God, and I want to help develop wonderful little men and woman. That's my heart's desire.

Sometimes, I feel like...I'm not doing enough. Not focused enuf on the things of God.

After all the Bible says," Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need." Matthew 6:33 I don't know. It's hard work...loving my enemies..or at least trying.I have friends that say,,why try? Screw them! I feel that, but I don't wanna be that. I can't explain the motivation in me to live upright. It's foreign, even to me...but it is there.Constantly urging me to do and be better.Things don't always go as planned, Still I hope for more, I expect and await more for myself, my children. I was reading Trina's blog, and she talked about how she can look in the mirror and be happy.I wanna look in the mirror and appreciate and be certain of my beauty...I want to look in the mirror of the God's Word

and do the same thing. I don't know the purpose of this blog post. I just needed to vent.

So many thoughts, and emotions, and everyday stresses of being a good enough single mother.'Of making the best decisions for my children and for me. Knowing that on my own,

I'm incapable of doing and being good enuf...so I seek divine power from the Almighty.

On another tip, I met a man, I think I told you about him. I haven't even thought seriously about dating someone for a while. I met him at the church, altho he isn't a member there.

I eventually approached him, which is out of the ordinary for me.What he said to me threw me for a loop.At first, I felt like..oh no! he's not interested. Then he said to me that he was almost a

"sex-aholic"and that he had noticed me, saying "I be glancing at you."Basically what he said was that...normally he'd manipulate the situation but that kicking it with him could be dangerous.

He also said something along the lines of...not wanting to possibly get sexually involved (with me)without being ready for a relationship.So in my mind...I'm trying to really appreciate that he totally policed the situation for me and protected me from himself, and not see it as rejection.

I told him, "I'm out here on a limb."and in response he said...

"you are, but I'm not gonna let the limb break. I have to be responsible with your feelings."

So what's so weird? I've never had a situation like this. I know I have to let it go, and move on. If it's gonna be it will one day...but having to let it go makes me think about him all the time...ugh!

I feel like, he sees me as a woman...trying to live right and He doesn't wanna mess that up.

But I love it and HATE it at the same time.

Anyway, it's all gonna be alright. That's how I live this life

that's how I get through the rough patches...because I trust

the promises of God, that it is all gonna work out, and be alright.