i feel very strongly like i am more than one person.
now don't get me twisted...lol. i'm not admitting to some multiple personality disorder or n e thing, lol. it's just that...i'm so in tune with my "inner me."
on one hand, i'm clear about so many things in life. i know what is right, and wrong. i know how to make decisions, i know how to advise people younger than me. i know exactly what i desire in a mate...and i'm ultra atriculate when it comes to writing my thoughts...i'm firm (mostly) when disciplining my children, about my faith, and business. i learn quickly, and i'm good at alot of things....
then there is this other side of me that keeps messing things up for me.
i get worried, flighty and even passive when it comes to matters of the heart and body.
i'm overly emotional at times and allow my self to be taken advantage of in more ways than one.
when it comes to speaking my thoughts...everything gets jumbled. i mean i have been told that i speak well...but they don't know my struggle. because i think faster than i can put it all together verbally...lol. i'm easily influenced in some situations, i allow guilt or emotions or feeling bad for someone else make me say yes in situations where my heart is screaming a resounding "HELL NO!" this is the side of me that hasn't grown up, that is still a sixteen year old girl.
this is the side of me that my ex husband always manipulated in my past. the side that many people (mainly men) tap into when they see a hint of its existence.
it seems like in the situations that i need to be the strongest is when this side of me takes over.
i'm so angry about being like this. the strong side of me is down right pissed off! i know better than to be a pushover...to allow others to make up my mind for me. i'm way too strong willed, strong minded. but this achilles heel, persists.
what is it? how do i change it...i have been trying to pep talk myself. i've tried to just do it...i've tried a bunch of angles at fixing this problem...even a prayer here and there.
that's the problem...i just gotta commit this to prayer.
do u have a similar problem?
Friday, October 06, 2006
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7 comments:
I suppose we have similar problems but mine is not quite the same cause I dont tend to cave to pressure from others when I should not.
What I do do a lot of times, however, is that I tend to get fearful of failure pretty easily.
Then again, I feel like much of my life is a waste right now
ur life isnt a waste clint....
u and i need to talk!
No I don't have that same problem because no means no and yes means yes.
This is a really, really good post for you.I didn't know if you were aware of these things about yourself.
trina...lol
i know u r familiar with this side of me.
but it's only because i've let u in enuf to REALLY know me. :)
i've always recognized my weakness and was irritated by them, i just wasn't sure how to change them.
i'm growing tho, and that all i can do in life..right?
Very similar and that's all Imma say...even with the last post....
ladynay...it feels good to know that someone understands. :)
i'm so glad u came to visit me!
u r so right stormy...
i have to learn to let my weakness be a strength and not allowed myself to be used...
thanx 4 tha advice and luv
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